keep wa|king..

2008-05-07T17:15:00.008+08:00

its raining..went fer class the whole day jz to get gunned by my lecturers n tutors..the "bonus" i received was gettin to know tt i flung 3 out of 4 subs..all border line fails fer my mid sems..in other words i hafta score credit fer the 3 subs jz to pass the overall..the grand prize was tt dr lim has to call mi in personally n demand i write a letter to the sch to account fer my lack of attendance in his class or hes gonna bar me fer the finals..pretty great huh?one complete combo,nothing left out..feeling so down,totally disappointed in myself..traumas after traumas,obstacles after obstacles..sumtimes i realli realli wonder y is the odds always against me,y m i always forced to fight losing battles,y m i always forced to accomplish the impossible..totally beaten,totally thrown off i am rite nw..everything seems so far away so distant..i m nothing more but a walking shame,a pure disgrace..

AWESOME!!!

2008-04-07T15:38:00.004+08:00

WUHOOOOO~~~it was the saturday nite when ash called me over to smoke up..yes,smoked up wid darryl till abt 4,got baq abt 5..and the nex day i hada wake up at 10 and prepare to meet up wid the bunch at ash's place to go to the new hotel,PICOLO MONDO..hahahahahahah..the hotel is jz located beside starhill,opposite us is pavilion,planet hollywood KL is jz right beside us,once we step out of the hotel,starbucks is a few steps away...YES..we r located smack right in the middle of KL..so we acted like tourists,checked in the hotel..its nt a five star hotel nor a three star one..its a BOUTIQUE HOTEL..YEzZZZA..our rooms were fantastic..the pillow was sooo nice....our rooms were nt very spacious but its comfortable...mi n ash shared a room,bryan and sami vellu shared one,ah yong wid pat,and vincent wid daniel..this hotel isnt like any other hotels i stayed in..the ambience of it is totally different,the lightings,the paintings on the walls,it doesnt haf a reception counter..totally different..we enquired about the price of one nite of one of our rooms..it costs 500 bucks one nite during off peak season..yes 500 bucks...hahahahahahahahahaha..put urself in this situation,u r living smack right in the middle of KL,the hotel room costs 500 bucks per nite,everywhere is soooo easily accessible wad more shall we say,lifestyle of the rich and famous???hahahahahahahahaha..after checkin in,putting our stuffs down,we went off to opposite the road's restaurant,izzi..had lunch there..next off we walked to pavilion,shopped around and we decided to catch the 7.30 show,the three kingdoms...we headed baq to the hotel took a nap and off we were to catch the show..after the pictures,we went to AH LOR street fer some grilled fish..yes tts wad im tokin about la...after dinner we drove to wangsa to play a couple of games,yum cha at BRJ and then baq to the hotel..jz when u were thinkin of callin it a nite,ash went baq home n collected sum grasss..and yes we stoned thru the nite...HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA..ash was like yellin SUMTHING REAL BAD IS DEFINITELY HAPPENING UP THERE LAR CHUN...wid the lack of sleep,and after a whole day of walkin,wid the grass,mi and ash were dead stoned...onli managed to sleep at around 6 in the morn wid the nex day having to wake up at 11 to haf lunch n chiong K wid irene..mi n ash couldnt climb out of bed,overslept abit and went late to sunway wid a hangover to chiong K..poor daniel hada wait fer us..sorrie daniel!!!hahhhahahahahahhaa..after KTV,we caught up wid bryan,sami vellu and vincent and we went to gloria jeans fer sum coffee..finally we headed to ASIA cafe fer sum games and had dinner there..having the sudden urge to drink,i ordered a bucket of anchor strong at asia cafe and drank wid daniel,and finally finally im baq home to catch a wink of sleep..pros and cons of the hotel..hmmmm..the cons were there was no parkin space allocated to the hotel,we hada park at starhill,yes parkin costs a bomb there,5 bucks per entry and sumone was missin in our group,our AH DAI ben ah,y u go starcruise to singapore woooo,u missed out on all the fun la and we realli miss u..the pros was tt everything was within reach by walking,so there wasnt a nid to drive everywhere except the time we hada drive to wangsa maju..well,i would rate this trip an 8 or 9 out of 10..credits to ash,pat,ah yong,daniel,sami vellu(joshua) and most most most upmost importance our leader BRYAN and his family..okay,tts about it gotta run fer my studies,my papers coming on tuesday and wednesday..ah siang ah,u gotta stop stoning and start studyin oreadi siang ah...and upcoming fer this weekend..our penang trip wid pat..wuhoooo,cant wait..

twisted

2008-04-05T05:08:00.006+08:00

yes to all u blog readers.u may have been wondering where haf i been nt postin any new posts bout wads going on..i dun even noe wads going on.gahahahahahahahahaha..anywayz,yes been busy livin the life of a saint,life of a god every day..yes..sadly,my bro andrew cheah kim wee if ure reading this,u left fer amsterdam leaving ur mate behind..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!tooo much la u..yes in a few hours time,ill b chillin out at this new hotel,piccolo hotel..we were invited to test their rooms,do a survey or some sort..credits to bryan's mum...YEAAAAA..yes,a room to ourselves each,hw grand can it be???muahahahahahahahahahha..cant wait..we will probably b partyin overnite over there..the nex day,CHIONG K wid irene,daniel,pat,ah yong..wuhooooooo....anywayz,thx alot pat n irene fer keepin my promise..cheeers mate!!!its time like these,we hafta embrace ourselves n keep walkin..these thoughts so evil,so tempting,like little devils trying to devour the entire of u,no,i shall nt succumb to this silent pit of malice..

2008-03-28T12:36:00.001+08:00

ashley's birthday is tml,so here we go again...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-03-25T11:28:00.003+08:00

guess wad???i missed my macro assignment comprising of 10 marks..aaarghhh..hw in the damn world could i ferget..geeeesh..this is so so so so screwed up...my gawd...wad haf i done...could smell mid semester exams around the corner.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..guessed i must've had way tooo much fun these days... =)

2008-03-20T23:16:00.002+08:00

after barely catchin a few hrs of gd sleep,i was stirred up by a fone call from francis askin meh if i wanna join him to study fer this upcomin cms test on monday...aaaaargh...today is my younger brother's birthday n i dunno hw wasted i am gonna turn out to be....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...hw hw???

2008-03-18T21:41:00.003+08:00

ahhhhhhhh..yesterday was my cms lecture i attended and the lecturer announced there will be a test upcoming worth 25% conducted fer the nex lecture..time to hit on the books..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..its studeeeeeeeeeee time... =)

2008-03-12T09:04:00.004+08:00

jz came baq from wangsa maju after catchin the match between liverpool n inter milan n abit of dota of course wid the same buncha retards BENJAMIN,BRYAN,ASHLEY,DANIEL..came home,thought about abit of things n slowly got it all figured out..after undergoing this major trauma in my life,all of these drinkin getting myself all wasted,potting day n nite numbing myself out,the fai zai and the K to wear me out break me down..the extra 5 hours i obtained from nt sleeping fer like a week,the uncountable times spent doing nothing jz stoning at home,the times when i started mumbling to myself,tokin to myself(i realised onli recently)..all of these jz hafta stop lar..DANIEL LAR U LAR..started all of these emo shit..it hasta stop sumwhere,sumhow,sumtime n i reckon y dont i start it nw???hahahahahahahahahaha..to all my dear dear dear bros who r readin this,i wanna make a sincere apology fer being sucha let down..i realli,realli,seriously,honestly,sincerely,truthfully appreciate wad u guys haf been doin fer mehz all these while,but i think i wanna get baq on all by myself n imma do it.."TTS THE WAY LAR" ah ben's voice ringing in my head..STAAAARTED lar these fellas..to u if ure reading this,this is the last u'll ever hear from mi..i feel u,daniel..

Justin - 不可一世

没有必要地相识

竟使我做情敌

明白你早已是他的

坏多一晚已心息

若要愉快边要学会忘记

心地好得不诱惑你

能行过为什么一起

明知总不可一世

在这床上拥抱到下世

期待看看你那万人迷
场地就在你婚礼

人短促一生相爱过

告别了反正也白费

幻想得不到的一切

大概悲哀总有快乐能代替

没有必要地哭泣

多心会被惩罚

明白我将会自然消失

或者只有我损失

若要愉快边要学会忘记

心地好得不诱惑你

能行过为什么一起

何苦

明知总不可一世

在这床上拥抱到下世

期待看看你那万人迷

场地就在你婚礼

如果苦楚都可纪念

难捱亦不致浪费

o i love u,love u,love u

o i miss u,miss u,miss u

yes i do..

2008-03-11T03:44:00.006+08:00

ever since i got my hands on my new bong,clubbing life kinda died down fer mehz lar,so distant..jz love doing nothing getting stoned lar..2 days consecutively smokin up all day..my world is shakin tremendously..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..hahahahahahahahahahahaha..nth seems to be registerin up there..

2008-03-06T04:41:00.003+08:00

ah dui ah dui..2nd visit to ben's hse..laugh till seriously stomach pain lar..ah ben=hypopocritamus..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA...after so long ive laughed till my jaws ached,my stomach pain,rollin on the floor,breathless..if we r a deck of cards,ben ure the joker lar...so much bliss,so much joy,so much laughter in the air..realli treasure u guys..its like all the anger,all the frustrations,all the rage,all the pent up feelings in me all jz gaf away..u guys realli rock..had a couple of wine..thx alot daniel..love u guys lotz...keep rockin...

2008-03-04T18:05:00.005+08:00

whenever it pours,it jz brings baq the haunting memories of the past,like the trigger going off a gun,all those flashbacks unreelin itself thru the back of my head..its rather disturbin,rather distracting,like a magnet it is drainin every ounce of energy outta meee..im turnin 22 this year,gotta realli start thinkin and plannin fer myself..after all of these recent occurings,i'd say it is a rather great leap fer me to pull myself up,back together,putting things back on the right track..gotta keep walkin till i cant walk..keep walkin shawn..keep walkin..

2008-03-04T05:51:00.004+08:00

yes ppl,u might haf been wondering wad m i doin stayin up till 6 in the morn..haish..drinkin again sadly..haish..haf u ever tasted a beer turned sour..drinkin till ur taste buds turned sour..i dun think its the rite way everyday of my life immersin myself in endless liquor,i mean this is nt the rite way to waste oneself..but on the other hand,it keeps ur mind free =) haish..drinkin till im physically exhausted,drained out in every possible way..i think my kidney and livers r failing mi..okay time to catch some sleep,got a class to catch later from 1 till 3..nitey pplz....

cousin's wedding

2008-03-02T02:55:00.002+08:00

congrats yong wan yee..flew baq JB jz nw fer my cousin's wedding..awesome i tell u,lookin at the free flow of alcohol pouring in..hahahahahahahahahaha..left JB at 23.57..reached KL 2.15 am..2 hrs drive from JB to KL..influence of alcohol i reckon..aite,imma go roll a joint..mother nature's waitin fer mehz..sumtimes i ponder,how will my wedding be???hmmmph....hahahahahahahahahahaha..

2008-02-29T18:10:00.006+08:00

lookin at my own hand bleed,life seemingly seepin away

-numbed-

handicapped =)

2008-02-29T09:53:00.003+08:00

i smashed a glass of water wid my right hand..haish,wad was i thinkin,now typin these words with my left hand..wad was it???rage,frustrations??starin at my hand bleed as the blood seeps..numbed..

FAI FAI FAI

2008-02-28T05:29:00.003+08:00

where was i??2nd day i haven catch any sleep..so kinda slow,forgive mehz ppl..hahahahahahahha.after dinner(pat u seriously can dish some nice dishes out eh,gotta find some time to hold a cooking showdown wid u to see whos the better chef =) )..after diinner,without catching any wink of sleep,went over to ash's place to teman bryan and ah ben fer dinner..den headed str8 to ben's place and popped a fai zai...nt tooo bad..tasted some of ben's home cooked food..aweeeeesome i tell u..down there stoning,chirping happily,the face brimming wid joy i was,went over to wangsa BRJ,played 2 games of dota,own them all(got ash n mi howda lose wo)..went BRJ yum cha wid bryan,ben,daniel,ash n mi..all these jokers realli cheer me up lar..hahahahahahahahahahaha..awesome lar,love u guys..i was like laffing till tears startin to swell in my eyes oreadi due to fatigue n the pill..geeeeesh,its like 5.37 in the morn,got a class at 10 to rush for later..its been a moons ago ever since i realli laff my heart,lungs,stomach,liver out..bryan,ash,ah ben and daniel,u guys own n rock lar..love u guys...gotta finish my chivas n sleep dy..my heart feels calm,serene,peaceful..its an honour to haf frens like u guys..

2008-02-27T19:58:00.003+08:00

WUZZZAAA..greetings to all...hahahahahaha..my head is spinning rite nw like as if it has been run down by a few trailers if u get wad i mean..didnt eat the whole day yesterday cos ive been lying in bed,recovering from my fever i caught on monday..nite came and i was famished so pat suggested we go 14 grab some bak kut teh..awesome i tell u,its like u've jz barely recovered from ur fever,cough,flu and u r off eating bah kut teh..hahahahahahaha,mi n pat were so hungry tt we ate 3 bowls of rice n we ordered like 4 or 5 dishes..hahahahahahahaha.downing 2 cans of 100+ somemore..stomach was all filled to the brim when a call from our good fren charlton yellin mi thru the fone,oi siong oh,tonite go my fren's karaoke there at ss2 open b4 9,3 jugs onli 100 dollars wei somemore got free jugs..den cheerfully i agreed to open first nt knowing pat n yong nt going to come along till i got home,they told mi they nt going..jugs oreadi open there so how..ma go lor wid charlton..2 idiots went to karaoke at ss2..yes u guys must b cursing me,chun u damn on hor,from bar to club and now to karaoke..okay hor..hahahahahahahaha..karaoke got age limit mehz,karaoke onli mahz,deng~~~..went there as usual,the same faces i see,old uncles n aunties,charlton n mi were the youngest..but the manager was charlton's fren so we managed to get a couple of free jugs cos we went there a couple of times..but last nite was the worst i tell u..all the old uncles n aunties voices thru the mic was solid..cos 1 table can pick 2 songs u wanna sing,den u hafta pass the mic to another table,and the turn moves on n on like a routine,everyone taking turns..thinkin tt all those uncle and aunties would've left by our turn,we picked 2 songs,who noes,everyone stayed till around 2 b4 they left..gantoi,2 youngsters holding the mic,3 jugs in front of us,uncle stare,auntie stare..i told charlton lets cover our face to sing lar..charlton say faster faster drink,drunk oreadi sure more terror one..i ma follow charlton drink lor..after the 2 jug finish,cannot tahan oreadi,all the bak kuh teh jz flowed out of my mouth in the toilet..puke oreadi mah,mah go baq drink lor..kk den ash came at around 1,da bao something to eat from char wang kok chan ting downstairs..kk i eat..eating the french toast and beer fer the drinks..den charlton's fren named sumo,size of kheelim,slightly taller than mi came over to our table,he looked at mi and said bro,i think ure still okay,must drink more..charlton's fren wooo,maaa gif face lor,k i drink..finished eating oreadi,he brought 1 jug over n sat down wid us chatting and all n he turned to mi n said finish eating oreadi mus drink mahz..kk i drink..finish his 1 jug,cannot tahan oreadi,ran toilet puke the french toast out again..went baq in and sat down,he looked mi in the eye and said eh i think ure still very okay lehz,den summore nite still young,he went over to his table take 1 more jug come..drink my fren drink,by tt time,ash was oreadi lying dead on the sofa lifeless,maaa drink lor..we ended at around 4 plus,came baq home at around 5,lied on my bed dead,closed my eyes n i tot i was asleep dy,but i dreamnt tt i was sleeping inside the karaoke cos my com keep playin the song mahz..jumped out of bed realising tt i was actualli half asleep.half dreaming tt i was in the karaoke there sleepin on the sofa..this is the effect of fatigue..totally worn out,barely recoverd from fever n i was drinkin n screamin in karaoke..i jumped out of bed at 7,kept tellin myself tt i cannot sleep cos once i sleep ill never wake up fer my classes..went to McD da bao breakfast,bathe n all,n went to class at 10..luckily pat accompanied mi fer my ABC lecture from 1 to 3..and den from 3 to 5,my favourite teacher lisa..lovely isnt it..kinda amazed at myself drinkin n pukin the nite b4 after i recovered and then nt sleepin and den going fer class from 10 to 5..awesome..actualli come to think of it,my liver is starting to hurt..haish..i was telling ash,my left kidney fer beer,right kidney fer liquor,my left lungs fer grass,my right lungs fer K..pat even said,eh chun if i disect ur head rite,im nt amazed to find a marijuana tree growing inside wei..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..but i did one thing proud:i went fer classes today in the morning..wuhoooo~~~~ XD

2008-02-25T05:32:00.004+08:00

i think ive did something proud today:i said no when they asked mehz out tonite to drink..a very good beginning..went to sunway pyramid today to haf dinner at TGI's wid patrick,irene,haris and li xin if im nt wrong..hasnt been realli a time tt i can sit down wid my frens and enjoy my dinner as we chat our hearts out..i think i spent 500 bucks this week wid everyday having one meal..u may ask where did all the money go to then..ALCOHOL,ALCOHOL and more ALCOHOL..here i m wid my glass of chivas neat feelin all shit up out of the blue..sometimes,i cant help but jz think..nah it jz so happened tt the things i do today seemed to remind me of the past and coincidently today is the 25th so kinda feeling all jacked up right now..excuse me for unleashing all my stupid emotions here..i mean car also suffers from break downs,computer also suffers from crashes,so yeah,there are times i get worn out too..anywayz lets nt tok further more bout the past cos it holds no glory but onli shame..nothing i can do about it..anywayz gotta climb myself back on wid my bare hands..nah,shld i say ive oreadi climbed myself baq on wid my own bare hands but haven started walking..guess its time to stop,resist,curb,eliminate,exterminate,eradicate,annihilate all unnecessary feelings and emotions and keep walking..

2008-02-22T05:28:00.004+08:00

haish..wad a fucked up nite..sheau wei and her frens,ah ben,bryan they all,wai lun,dexter,alan came in..3 tables simultaneously..jz gulping down the drinks like drinking plain water analagous to an idiot trying to rinse his mouth wid alcohol..totally screwed up..and my own brother,steven getting all messed up..i sincerely,truthfully hope tt he would learn his lesson..we were at kenchana when he told mi to send him baq first cos he cant make it oreadi..kk..i sent him baq..we went on ycing at kenchana..when we got baq,pat knocked on ah yong's door..no answer,knocked on his windows,no reply..couldnt find the keys fer the side door at the balcony so we couldnt take a peak thru his windows..no spare keys fer his room..onli choice,bang it down,mi n pat managed to break in..the door flew open and instantly he looked up n stared at us..never in my life i haf ever drink till tt extent im wasted..responsibility..bar club tomorrow wid dexter perhaps??haish

2008-02-20T02:23:00.003+08:00

sup all..man,guess ive been too busy after i got baq from brunei till i didnt hada time to blog bout ma life..its all good..after i got baq from brunei,sim from singapore,and ma mate sze wey decided to make a trip up KL wid mehz..hahahahahahahahahaha..awesome ppl i tell u..sim was simply mesmerized by hw we run things in KL...hahahahahahahah..the difference between singapore n KL yea???as usual,ash is busy wid work,left wid mi to plan and lead em to the hotspots in KL..the 1st day was tiring as usual,driving from JB up to KL..where did we head to..hmmmph..o yea i remembered..2 something we went to visit tian leong at sri petaling,we stopped by there to haf some sumptous nasi lemak..awesome i tell u the nasi lemak there..den tian leong tagged along wid us cos he nided to get some stuffs fer valentines day..smoked some shit up and off we were to sunway stoned..had dinner there kim gary wid tian leong,alicia,pat,sim n sze wey den we headed home fer dunno wad reasons cos i think we were too tired..smoked up again and off to dreamland we were..hahahahahahahahaha..woke up the next day and it was valentine's day..hw was ur valentine's day everyone???anyways we had pan bakery fer lunch,den headed to carefour to buy some stuffs fer the nite's bbq..after tt went to bangsar alexi's fer malaysia's acclaimed best tiramisu..hahahahahahahah..met up wid ash there..den later went to pick irene up from work and yeah the bbq..wuhooo...we had the beer,the chicken,the the awesome prawns done by pat..hahahahahahah..fantastic i tell u..irene i noe u r very very hungry from the speed u're eating at..hahahhahaha..after bbq was MAISON's..hell yeah..ladies nite at maison on thursday and it so happen tt it was valentine's day nite..darryl opened 2 tables there..so tian leong,mi,sim,sze wey,ash and alicia went..hahahahahahahaha..sim damn funny..go in there break loose oreadi..like jz release from prison like dat,went around the club huntin fer targets..szewey as fer u,eh bro u r old oreadi lar go get a girl..ah yong as usual..mi n pat oso as usual drinking..ash was oso alone drinking..it so happened tt my fren alan birthday at bar club..so hafta drop by there...geeeesh..went there fer like an hour,had like 2 glasses neat and baq to maison again..after tt headed home n drop dead to sleep..the nex day they left..haish..lotsa other places i wanted to show em around one but due to time constraints..our cineleisure at the curve,pavillion,the garden..but their aim of going up KL is to haf fun n nt shop so i decided nt to drop by those places..the nex day tian leong our good fren suggested i tagged along to bar club wid him n alicia cos its alicia's fren birthday..leng lui somemore wooo..haish..off i went to bar club and it so happened i bumped into joseph,alan and wailun,their tables were jz beside us and the VIP area..so yeah..i was runnin 2 tables simultaneously...geeeesh..den the nex day pat tell mi,eh ah siang ah,my fren they all tonite going poppy u wanna come along not..all girls..went again to poppy..omg..by the 3rd day,i was like immune to the alcohol oreadi man..wtf..i was like sitting down in poppy jz drinkin along all the way..then the nex day ash dropped by ma place getting all stoned up..and nw jz got baq from uncle don shisha wid bryan and ash..thx alot guys,realli appreciate the heart to heart tok we had..come to think of it,ive so many brothers behind my baq,ash,andrew,szewey,kheelim,patrick,bryan,all true frens which i can seek to when im in trouble..its like im undergoing this depression stage in my life,everyday drowing in liquor and getting stoned..this is nt the way lar..gotta start getting a grip on myself and start somewhere..and im determined to start it!!!im blessed..thx alot guys!!!

brunei trip

2008-02-12T17:25:00.000+08:00

well well,ive jz returned from ma brunei trip..1st of all,i'd rate this trip a 9 out of 10???i hafta say im truly honoured and touched by those bruneians hospitality and generousity..its like they took all the trouble driving us around,makin us jz eat n eat n eat turning mi n pat into gluttons..hahahahahahahaah..tts nt the part..its like after eating n all,when mi n pat was about to go over to pay up..we could see a whole bunch at the cashier gathering all fighting to pay fer us..we were honestly astonished n taken aback..i mean like when our frens come over to our place,we'd pay fer em but nt fer every meal if u get wad i mean..absolutely fantastic..both of those days we stayed at irene's place..her place was great,windy,breezy,if u ask mi to sleep over at the carpark i'd gladly do it..its so cold at nite wid the wind across ur face and the serenity at nite,realli calms ur heart sometimes..but come to think of it its kinda funny hahahahahahaha,their capital is bandar seri bagawan but it so happens tt all the happening occurs at gadong which is at another part..hahahahahahaha..we got to visit their school oso..kinda strange,the kindergarden,the primary school and the secondary school were all jz beside each other..its like the school tt i studied in were so stereotypical,and their school is -old-skooled-..direct contrast i'd say..went to take a water taxi to visit kampong ayer,one of the aclaimed biggest water village in the world..they haf everything there..schools built on top of the water,hosptials,mosques..a real eye opener..i mean like ive seen hses built on top of the water but nt hospitals,schools and mosques..zzz..as fer the last day,we went to excapade fer lunch..SUSHIKI PARI..u eat oreadi can fly one..ah bao said..hahahahahaahha..they jz ordered and ordered n ordered..so when the food came,it was soooo sooo soooo much till there wasnt even space to put a finger in between the plates..omg..crazy buncha of idiots..they jz kept forcing us to eat,their eyes looking at us like forks,and the mouths like crazy blades of knives,analagous to em trying to eat us up if we dun eat the food..managed to get to meet michelle's little brother,ah jun..hes onli 7 or 8 years old and he can oreadi play dota..and compared to ah hoon,ah jun was like tremendously heavy..he even managed to b able to drag mi even though im sitting down..hahahahahhahaha..and the last place we went to b4 we left was bao chuan hse..his dog was so cute reminds mi of bambo,our russell terrier jz tt her dog was a hybrid of russell terrier and bulldog..heaps of thanx to ah bao,ah bao sis,choi mei,sandy,hui hui,bao chuan,michelle fer showin us around and sorri fer troubling u guys and special thanks to irene fer letting us put up at her place..i realli enjoyed myself..i feel calm,serene,peaceful..realli carefree.. ^^

2008-01-26T06:55:00.000+08:00

woa,wad a nite at bar-celona..wailun has his own chick,alan is busy drinkin wid 2 other chicks,joseph was downin beer himself,pat was simply stoning,ah yong as usual running around,mi as usual drinkin alone as well..come to think of it,i m quite proud of myself as in the liquor tolerance..2 beers+4cups of neat dewarts,i wasnt even close to high,if the music didnt stop "ITS TOO LATE TO APOLOGISE..HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"we'd b probably still drinkin.i reckon at least another 5 to 6 glasses of neat to realli tear mi down..come to think of my life,every chapter of it unveilin in front of my eyes..i'd think tt fer my age,ive been realli exposed to alot of things..from primary sch to secondary sch been receiving education in singapore simultaneously living in JB(yes its a hassle everyday hafta walk the damn causeway)..after secondary sch went to melbourne at the age of 17 wasnt even 18 to do my foundation at trinity college and my degree at melbourne uni.chun ure gay..ive heard it all the time chun u dun look at girls..chun r u realli gay..wtf???i shall clarify this once n fer all:I've seen too much..i started clubbing at 17 till 20 in melbourne(u all shld noe they call melbourne the heaven of clubs),i see girls get drunk n guys would hafta carry em out and u wouldnt noe wad they gonna do to her,i see my own frens kiss the other fren of mine,ive frens tt are lesbians,ive seen ppl take ecstasy in front of my eyes,fing tao yun and they jz keep shakin their heads..needles in the toilets under the UV light..tt was melbourne..ive been to guangzhou,beijing and my nex stop shall be shanghai..more than half of china's population are girls..girls ah,they r everywhere jz as long as u haf money they will come to u..u come down from the plane u check in straight to massage parlours instead of the hotel and let the girls service u..girls to mi???everywhere anywhere???but to find the perfect one fer u isnt easy..i oreadi had my share of fun due to the exposure i get..all i seek is to find a girl tt truly loves mi,mi givin her my best,holdin her hands and walk together wid the rest of my life,settlin down my life..i tried but i failed..long distance relationship wid my ex ex gf,being shoved everything in my face twice by my ex,she throwing everything at mi,soo soo soo many close calls to death,close shave to being blind fer the rest of my entire life..to summarise,im pretty much contented with my life due to the exposure i get and the things i experience..i dare to boast ive pretty much seen alot n experience much fer someone whos at my age..the next part of my journey,imma take on all things,the impossible maybe???bring it..

2008-01-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

omg,i cant even play futsal..geeeesh..the sweat gets in my eyes = irritate it = pain...ive given a serious thought abt it n i haf figured out..everytime when im down n all,evil thoughts analagous to little devils prancing around my mind waitin to consume mi,tackling mi at my weakest moment..i shall nt fall,i shall nt succumb to tt.ill show em whos the real DEVIL..as ive said,the old shawn is dead..truly sorrie fer the crude intrusion into ur life these few days,i wont commit the same mistake like wad u once did to mi..its time fer mi to put on my mask,even tougher,even stronger this time..exterminate,eliminate,annihilate all feelings,all emotions,severing all ties..face off..

frustrations

2008-01-24T05:16:00.000+08:00

geeeesh,wad a day..patrick stirred mi up from my sleep..irene was here cos simply its a public holiday..mi n pat n her went fer some vietnamese food at sunway at around 5..geeesh,it sucks..vietnamese kitchen's chicken chop probably own tt 100 times..went to catch a movie:the game's plan starring the rock n the little girl..god,it was nice..i went fer it even though im half blind,although the scenes were abit blur,i still manage to figure my way through..gawd,if i had a daughter tt smart tt cute,i'd probably pamper her,love her n shower her wid all my love,gif her everything,anything she wans..shes sooooo adorable..god...hahahahahahahahhaah..i think i fell in love wid tt small girl..hahhahahahahahahahhahahhaha..jking tt is...went fer some gloria jeans coffee..wuhoo..yeah my favourite..they have the best coffee,i asssure u..after sending irene baq,took a bath,and barcelona we headed to...gooosh..joseph's fren kept on forcin mi to drink,man,was graspin at the edge of my life...geeeesh..it realli hurts to see my bro,joseph drink till hes unconscious..it realli pains mi,all becos of mi,all my bros stood up fer mi..i dunno howda express my gratitude towards em..met one of the fucker tt whacked mi"s close fren..wasnt given a choice but to drink wid him n build some rapport among us..n nw things between mi n her r like this...who is there fer mi???who i ask???who???who???who???i jz feel like collapsing in her arms n cry,cry like a baby..those 4 words:darling,i miss u..

2008-01-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

mark these 8 words:no1 will love u more than i do..nt even close..

(,")

不可一世

2008-01-16T06:57:00.000+08:00

没有必要地相识

竟使我做情敌

明白你早已是他的

坏多一晚已心息

若要愉快边要学会忘记

心地好得不诱惑你

能行过为什么一起

明知总不可一世

在这床上拥抱到下世

期待看看你那万人迷

场地就在你婚礼

人短促一生相爱过

告别了反正也白费

幻想得不到的一切

大概悲哀总有快乐能代替

没有必要地哭泣

多心会被惩罚

明白我将会自然消失

或者只有我损失

若要愉快边要学会忘记

心地好得不诱惑你

能行过为什么一起

何苦

明知总不可一世

在这床上拥抱到下世
期待看看你那万人迷

场地就在你婚礼

如果苦楚都可纪念

难捱亦不致浪费

O,i love u,love u,love u n

i miss u,miss u,miss u

yes i do..

(^.^)_V

2008-01-16T06:22:00.000+08:00

wuhoo~~~..wad a day..was drinkin till 7 in the morning last nite wid alan,wailoon,joseph and patrick..bloody hell..i tell u gotta gif respect to wailoon,alan and joseph..they opened 8 bottles at bar celona tt nite wid onli 10 ppl to drink up everything..geeesh..god damn..when they jz came crashin into my place,they were like demanding,we want more we want more..den mi n pat was forced to accompany em to drink till like 7 b4 they realli went down..went to klang wid pat fer some nice yam rice since he wanted to take his shirt from his hse fer tonite..the yam rice was damn good as good as the one in JB..shiok ah..den we went baq subang n waited fer awhile b4 we left fer puchong to see the fortune teller..hahahahahahahahahahahhaha..1st time wid a fortune teller..and i tell u the experience was freaky,creepy..and they realli noe so dun underestimate em..b4 enterin the room,mi n pat was like having butterflies in our stomach,wid our sweaty palms wid the arrival fer our turn to be called..hahahahahahhahahahaha..damn funny..pat was like tellin mi eh chun,the fortune teller is probably ask u to get the hell out cos ur life realli sucks,n there is no pt of saving u,chun ure hopeless..hahahahahahahahahahaha....i went in first..yeah gotta admit,it was pretty baaad shape i tell u..its like she asks u fer ur english name n ur dob..and there she starts doin her maths and i tell u she is ACCURATE..realli sharp,str8 to the pt her words were..shes said hw is ur love relationship,ur family relationship n my studies currently..omg..and shes realli good..she read all of it..she said u might nt believe wad i said but dun doubt the tarrot cards tt u chose...picked a few times of the tarrot cards,and yea we did it over again,she ask mi to choose again,n yet the same outcome..i realli surrender..although it might sound freakish n all but at least there is some directions in life where u can head to and hw u can improve the current situation..pat's past,present and future life was glorious i tell u,absolutely no flaw..god bless him!!had lunch wid him,and den went home,dropped dead after nt sleepin the entire nite n drinkin away..had barely like 3 hrs to sleep b4 we woke up and went to haf dinner b4 we leave fer bar celona..mi n pat joined wailoon,alan n joseph..fantastic tt was..a couple of small slight events sparked off,but i managed it n got it under control.didnt affected mi n all my bros' mood n all..this was the first time my heart was so calm,so peaceful,so serene..all i can say is:the old,zombified,lifeless,useless,gloomy shawn is dead..ive been reborn!!!to her:may god always bless u,and may he pour mercy upon u,shower u wid his grace,equip u wid the strength and courage to accomplish things,gif u the wisdom u'll nid to see beyond,and his light to always guide u when there is nothing there..amen..this is gonna b the last post fer nw fer a very long long time and yeap..take care all..ja ne~~

2008-01-15T06:31:00.000+08:00

if u ask mi 1 month ago,wad do u see in ur future shawn..i'd reply em i haf a nice gf,i jz wanna hold her hands to overcome every obstacles in my life,be it hw bitter,be it hw sweet,every phase of my life,i jz wanna spend wid her alone,no1 else,and as we advance in our lives,embrace ourselves,gif my full commitment,n nt let her down,n as we graduate,grow old,marry u..every phase of ur lives,i was there,am there,will be there..even till the end,ill believe u,no1 else but u..

2008-01-12T18:17:00.000+08:00

the day b4,i went to visit her sis n asked her sis fer a favour to help mi return something baq to her..wad a relieve i was to see her sis..it felt like seein her right in front of mi...she was identical to her..they look sooooooo alike,or probably my eyes are playin tricks on mi or probably tt i yearn to see her so much tt i actualli mistake her sis fer her...my gawd,i could barely look her in the eyes...sooo much left to say..take it as if ive completed the nice bridge fer her to tread on,a consolation fer mi to see her..见她的妹妹就好像见她一样,当作是对我的一点一种安慰吧..hate myself fer lovin u so much..

my greatest condolensces to u Ah Loon

2008-01-11T07:13:00.000+08:00

jz to compliment wad ah loon told mi..it kinda strike upon mi..他说任何一个男孩子都能疼你,能宠你..可是在那些能疼你能宠你的当中,哪一个是最在乎你,最关心你,为你付出真心的?为了你不顾一切,什么都愿意为你栖牲的不管是友情,家庭,时间,耐心,睡眠..那才是真情..

2008-01-11T06:07:00.000+08:00

wuhoo~~~went to lunch wid irene n christopher n pat this afternoon..fantastic..we joked,we laughed..went bq home,slept all the way till 8pm..woke up fer futsal wid pat and christopher...tt was the first time i slept sooo peacefully..gorgeous i'd say..honestly after 2 weeks of insomnia,the 1st time i slept so well..pat told mi snored all the way through..hahahhahaah..futsal was great wid pat n his frens..lovely..his frens was great..guess imma pick up futsal soon...went baq home,and who noes,joseph,wai loon and alan comes crashin to our hse,demanding to drink..yeah i joined in...wuhooo..as usual,playing cards n drinking...but the most enjoyable part was the chokin till we pass out...hahhahahahahaha..after numerous attempts on mi n joseph,we dont seem to catch it..we didnt pass out but jz out of breath tts all..then comes the giant Ah loon,mi n wai loon exerted our full force on him n he passed out fer like 10 secs like dat..imagine AH Loon tt giant passing out and we hadda lay him nicely on the floor..hahhahahahaha..n he woke up askin us wad happened wid no recollection of wad happened mins ago..then comes joseph,mi n wai loon exerted full force..and joseph went off tooo..totally jz fainted..and we hada hold him..and lay him down..but the funniest part was tt he trembled fer awhile,as if in a shock while passin out..guess the body couldnt sustain the lack of oxygen and his body is reacting askin fer more oxygen..but fortunately he woke up...hahahhahahahahaha..den comes my turn..geeeesh..ah loon n wai loon tt 2 big size guys..god damn..i realli blacked out...hahahahahahahhahaha..its like im picturing mi n her together so happy,den after like 10 secs,i lost breath,my heart stopped beating,as if being dead..my mind blacked out,my heart stopped and i jz fainted..after watchin the video it seem like i fainted fer like 3 secs b4 i regain conscious..but to mi its like im dead,sleepin thru eternity..the 1st question i ask em when i woke up was hw long haf i slept???ahahahahhhahha..they told mi str8 barely 5 secs..i was like in utter disbelief...hahahahhahahahahahahha..at least i experience death and i noe wad it feels like..so peaceful,so calm,so serene...after tt i went to McD wid harry n ah loon fer some breakfast..fantastic..at last i found some1 worse off than mi..Ah Loon told us the story hw his gf treats him...hahhahahahahahahaahahahah..u wouldnt believe it..we came to a conclusion tt we make the relationship simple,we need nt care hw much we would gif to u,the grace,our face,our pride,sacrificing everythin we got,all we ask all we ask,jz very simple,think fer us,think hw we would feel???at least gif abit of respect to us..its very simple..simple things like dat u guys cant even accomplish...haish...dreadful...

int0 the unreachab|e depths i fal|..

2008-01-10T06:48:00.000+08:00

i have never been so down in my entire 20 years life..the feeling is worst than death..beyond death,slowly torturing u,devouring the entire of u even though theres nothing there left..i took a look at the mirror at myself today and i was shocked..it wasnt a reflection of a zombie in the mirror..there wasnt any life in the mirror..its like a zombie still has a life,it still breathes,wad i saw was nothing..its like everything,my emotions,my feelings has been sucked,drained and vacuumed out..it doesnt even haf a life..i cant eat properly,i cant tok properly,i cant think properly,i cant sleep properly..the worst part is im losing bits n bits of my memories as days goes by..its like a short term memory loss..the brain,the heart,the soul jz shuts off..if u ask mi wad ive been doing those few days baq,i'd probably reply i haf no bloody idea..i drink,i smoke,i pot,none of these had any god damn effects..every nite drinking 2 bottles(i haf no idea hw much ive been drinking),every day smoking 2 big packs of dunhill,on n off potting here n there..none of these seemed to wear mi down..yesterday n today went genting wid pat losing money n i still felt nothing..went baq to JB wid pat the last week,car broke down along the highway at 12 midnite,we were forced to stop by the emergency lane and to our right is all the lorries flying past us and we werent barely driving(we were driving at 40km/h cos the bearing broke,the tyre could jz fly off any moment,the car is gonna swerve to the right and a lorry is gona come and we would've been dead by nw),animals come barging to my car resulting mi in jam braking,police jz hafta catch mi 2 days in a row fer my muffler and HID..everything is nt going in my way,the animals r against mi,the cops r after mi,the machines r giving up on mi..wtf!!!alot of close calls to death but yet he didnt take mi away..ive lost everything,every single thing,wads there more fer mi to lose??Fortunately to all my bros tt has always been there fer mi,pat,haris,kheelim,szewey,ash,zein,nic from the start..i'd like to gif credits to em fer being there fer mi all these while,takin all these nonsense from mi..if nt fer em sharing my bad luck,my misfortune,i'd probably haf been long gone,taken away..i fear n i dread closin my eyes at nite cos ill picture u walkin away from mi without leaving a word..so lost so afraid..its like u've gone so far far away..u didnt even gaf us a chance,u didnt even turned baq,is this fair to mi,is this fair to the both of us???regardless all the misunderstandings,all the pain,i tried to keep it simple..all i ever wanted was to gif u my best,lay a nice path fer u to walk on so tt u wont b harmed,keepin u secured n so u wont hafta worry abt anithing..and ive did it..im realli happie..ive loved u so much,adore u so much tt i wouldnt bear,wouldnt dare,wouldnt bring myself to hate u or wad so eva..ive laid a very nice path fer u to walk on,and u must b walkin freely on it right nw..forget abt mi,erase us from ur memories..take it as though i haven existed in ur life b4 and none of these has ever happened..my deepest blessings to u..

2008-01-08T03:46:00.000+08:00

omfg..after sooo many many sleepless nites its still sleepless nitezzz..1st of all i jz wanna clear things up abit..jz wanna clear the air and all..yeah..i guess u've misunderstood mi of askin u to choose between us or ur frens on the other side...i didnt bear tt intention at all..i realli wished u could b more ruthless more brutal to mi so tt i can face it..since u can be so ruthless so brutal to do so many things,im sure u would b more than glad n more than happy to hurt mi again..take it as if ive never existed,never appeared in ur life b4..ill b more than grateful to u fer u to hurt mi once again..hahahahahahahahahahahaha..hw long more is this sleepless nites gonna last i ask??

2008-01-07T15:35:00.000+08:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' It

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying to do

rainbow

2007-12-30T02:38:00.000+08:00

哪里有彩虹告诉我

能不能把我的愿望还给我

为什么天这么安静

所有云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我

释怀说了太多就成真不了

也许时间是一种解药

也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着

你的身影这么近我却抱不到

没有地球太阳还是会绕

没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单

你说依赖是我们的阻碍

就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱

当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我

释怀说了太多就成真不了

也许时间是一种解药

也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着

你的身影这么近我却抱不到

没有地球太阳还是会绕

没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单

你说依赖是我们的阻碍

就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱

当作我最后才明白

看不见你的笑

要我怎么睡得着

你的身影这么近我却抱不到

没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕

没有理由我也能自己走掉

是我说了太多就成真不了

也许时间是一种解药解药

也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开我知道很简单

你说依赖是我们的阻碍

就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱

当作我最后才明白

-the end-

2007-12-29T14:31:00.000+08:00

冷咖啡离开了杯垫

我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前

在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天

是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐

回忆的画面

在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

又何必去改变已错过的时间

你用你的指尖阻止我说再见

想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

或许命运的签只让我们遇见

只让我们相恋这一季的秋天

飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片

要我怎么捡

2007-12-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

KL KL here i come..decided to drive up here even though im dead sick instead of stayin in JB to rot..currently in KL rite nw..goosh..place filled wid memories..miss alot of things here..miss ss15,miss the food here,miss my hse ss18,miss my room,and finally miss everything of her..the saddest part is regardless of hw many times i say i miss her,i tell her hw much i miss her,the outcome is still the same,it doesnt change a thing..

我不配

2007-12-10T16:58:00.000+08:00

这街上太拥挤

太多人有秘密

玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去

你脸上的情绪

在还原那场雨

这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿

又斑驳了几句

剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里

电影院的座椅

隔遥远的距离

感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于

描述我如何爱你

你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对

我努力在挽回

一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给

你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协

是我忽略你不过要人陪

这感觉已经不对

我最后才了解

一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累

你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴

而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

温柔

2007-12-09T16:50:00.000+08:00

走在风中今天阳光突然好温柔

天的温柔地的温柔像你抱著我

然后发现你的改变孤单的今后

如果冷该怎么渡过

天边风光身边的我都不在你眼中

你的眼中藏著什么我从来都不懂

没有关系你的世界就让你拥有

不打扰是我的温柔

不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心

明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明

不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心

那爱情的绮丽总是在孤单里

再把我的最好的爱给你

不知不觉不情不愿又到巷子口

我没有哭也没有笑因为这是梦

没有预兆没有理由你真的有说过

如果有就让你自由

我给你自由

我给你全部全部全部全部自由

这是我的温柔

还你你的自由

不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明
不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你
不知不觉不情不愿又到巷子口
我没有哭也没有笑因为这是梦
没有预兆没有理由你真的有说过
如果有就让你自由

这是我的温柔

这是我的

温柔

2007-12-05T18:37:00.000+08:00

our nicest picture drawn

2007-12-05T05:56:00.000+08:00

jz got baq from genting..waaad a trip..finally able to grasp some fresh air to freshen mi up but to no avail cos theres a lot of memories there..the scenes keep playing in my mind,her words so clear in my ears and now we r in this state..the sky tonite is clear,stars are shinin brightly,to the stars if u can realli hear wad i say,i ask fer a favour off u tt is to gif her light to show her the way,make her clear as clear as the sky tonite..she has been gone fer like barely 2 days and i m missin her so badly,hw can i hang on till the nex time i see her..even as im eating ban mee this afternoon wid ah yong,harry n krizelda,i realised i was eating noisily and i could hear her by my side askin mi to shut my mouth while chewin my food..toked to her over the fone jz nw,she still haven truly figured it out..although it is unbearable,u still hafta realli think things thru..i haf tried every way i can to let u see,let u understand..i m sooo tired,mentally tortured,strained,drained,worn,torn in every way till there is little will left in mi to fight..put urself in my shoes and think wad haf u done and wad can u do to make it better?ur undecisiveness has resulted the situation we r in now,and i hope tt u would take this lesson seriously n change fer the better..i finally realised tt theres a limit to wad i can achieve,its all up to u now..i wont b msging u,wont b calling u,and this would b my final blog entry till i get baq from my holidays..u hafta experience wad could've been,wad would've been,wad should've been..i haf tried and ive tried so hard and im realli hurt..i remember once u told mi u wanted mi to be a happy man too..its all up 2 u now to make it a myth where both of us can tread into eternity or one other fairy tale where both of us onli existed in our memories..its up 2 u to make it happen..

2007-12-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

haish..whole day has been lethargic,no appetite to eat,no mood to do anithing at all..its like as if the soul has been drained out..ive realised something,ive changed to a complete different person after all these things has happened..my spendings increased,i even lost my temper while tokin to my mum..wad haf i become???u realli have quite an impact upon my life..the way u changed mi to a better person..it was rather significant..however,tts nt the point,i sincerely hope,i pray and pray and pray tt after this incident u would change to a better person..i hope tt this would be a very good lesson fer u to learn from and be a better person..i wan the best out of u,even if it means sacrificing myself to let u see,i hope tt u can realli see wad im trying to do..u haf changed mi to a better person,i acknowledge tt and i hope tt u can change to a better person too..although,this incident has caused mi to develop phobia towards u,fear towards u,even to the extent of building a wall around myself but im still willing to try..u realli gotta spend ur time in brunei to think wad haf u done,think through it carefully and gif mi an answer..

最长的电影

2007-12-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

我们的开始

是很长的电影

放映了三年

我票都还留着

冰上的芭蕾

脑海中还在旋转

望着你慢慢忘记你

朦胧的时间

我们溜了多远

冰刀划的

圈起了谁改变

如果再重来

会不会稍嫌狼狈

爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟

让我把记忆结成冰

别融化了眼泪

你妆都花了要我怎么记得

记得你叫我忘了吧

你说你会哭

不是因为在乎

2007-12-04T04:39:00.000+08:00

geeeesh..jz got baq from cyber cafe wid patrick n harris..but b4 tt we went to sunway to haf dinner wid harris,irene and pat..fantastic..it was fun,we were laffing our way all bcos of harris lar..hes one funny fella..at times his jokes may realli seem sooo cold but yet at times,he does possess tt little sense of humour to crack ppl up..hes like a wooden plank,he gifs u the feeling tt u can realli tok to him..i mean he has the patience to sit down and jz listen to u..a realli nice guy..glad i met him..but 1 weakness of his:his overwhelming addiction to dota..when he blinks his eyes at u,u shld noe wad to do,find a cyber cafe go in n jz sit down and game..btw sorrie harris if u r reading this,sorrie fer butting into ur dinner wid vern cheng..hahahahahahahahahaha..but yeah hes a nice guy..den went shisha wid ash,zein and pat..wuhoooo..it blows all my worries away... =p yeah,ash n zein has always been there fer my ups n downs..my 2 most impt ppl in my life..ash is willing to tok,share his thoughts n feelings,gifs opinions,zein will tok from a women point of view BUT andrew is the mutha fucka tt would share some lurve when im down or woot..its either alcohol or drugs wid him but he neva fails to cheer mi though wid his nonsense..all the stupid things we did together..hahahahahahahahahahaha..STEALING POLICE CONES!!!we even haf enuf cones to set a road block wei...haish ash told mi something at uncle don tt realli touched my heart deep inside..at this darkest moments of my life,tt was one of the best enouragement i ever had..my ex told ash when ash is baq in JB to take gd care of mi..at least some girl would take the initiative to find out hw am i doing and all and care abt mi,if u get wad i mean..zein and van ren cares fer mi alot too...i realli appreciate her concern,it has been truly encouraging..haish gotta go catch some sleep again cos i nidda wake up to sing KTV wid irene,harris,pat and hopefully zein will drop along tooo...one whole week with minimal hours to sleep,my appetite ruined,nt eating properly..spent many many nites worrying abt her,abt us..nw i hadda close my eyes again,having to think if shes still msging gerald anot,hw has she been and has she been eating properly and all,hw much i missed her,leaving fer shanghai soon and i wont b keepin contact wid her till im baq..i hate to close my eyes and sleep these days,cos i will picture the moment when i hid behind the stands and watch gerald send her off even though i noe i wont b seeing her fer 3 months..its like my time jz froze there like a permanent stain in my life tt would neva go away hw ever hard u try to get rid of it.. she has left baq home,theres nth i can do abt it,nt even by my side,cant even salvage the situation we r in before she left and all i ever have now are jz memories shared wid her..let the fotos speak itself..

ur happy ending

2007-12-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

dood.dood.dood..i realli dunno wad to write..seriously..I DUNNO WAD THE FUCK TO WRITE HERE!!!i am sooo damn bloody numb after looking at STEFFIE's blog..tts the result of my leniency,my trust,my understanding,my patience,my tolerance,my time..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..cynical isnt it..tt nite at choi mei's party,u told mi tt u would go clear things up wid him,i forgive u,gave u another chance,trusted u,and after reading steffie's blog,tts the result of my trust..i m dumbfolded..i wish i could jz sleep till i never woke up..DO U NOE WAD I FEEL LIKE DOING RITE NOW???i feel like jz tearing up all the letters i gaf u..its like its all lies..all my sincerity to u jz seem like lies in ur eyes..all the things i do seems sooo little to u..at the last moment b4 u left u couldnt even do the right thing to at least prove to mi,prove to us..yar i noe u tot tt i was fetchin tian leong n his mum..yar i understand tt u dun wanna b the lamp post between ur sis and her bf..but u chose to sat his car..GERALD's car..the least u could do is to jz shut him away,tell him nt to meet u up..joshua,steffie will meet u..come on lar,where were they???its jz lies tt he is telling,n u believed it..imagine u had a car and im flying off oreadi,u offered to pick mi but i rejected it and u see mi with ur own eyes walking to some girl who had FEELINGS fer mi and i sat in her car..even if u dun take mi as ur bf,im still ur closest fren and instead of sitting in my car,u sat in a guy's car whom u met 1 week ago..dun say relationship,its like hinting mi our friendship cant even beat a guy whom u met recently..tts ur flaw,ur personality..it totally reflected ur character..tts nt the cheese of the story..im her bf,and i hafta stand sooo soo far away and see gerald hugging her,kissing her on the forehead..when he did tt,i could feel the 4 scars on my hand scorching,my heart smashing into smithereens instantly..u didnt even approach mi and hugged mi..nt even a word of goodbye b4 u reallie left..at least telling mi u tt u would change and be a better person..nt even a word of assurance,nt even a word of hope..imagine u seeing with ur very own eyes,as im abt to leave,i let the girl hugged mi,u r my gf and u r nt the one tt sent mi off but instead a girl whom i met recently n i told u i had feelings fer her..even b4 we got together,i ve always stood far away and watched her,after we got together,i still hada stand far away and watch her..i realli dun understand u can be so cruel,so brutal,so merciless wid mi,u can b so cruel,so brutal,so merciless wid alloysius but y cant him..ask urself,你这样做,你对得起自己吗????问问你自己良xin..dun feel bad,dun feel sorrie..u dun haf to..u shld feel honoured,u shld feel proud,u shld feel happy tt u used to haf sucha a kind boyfriend..i granted u everything:my time,my patience,my leniency,my understanding,my trust and this is the faith i received from u..i m a nobody in ur eyes rite now..i m jz like a doll tt u haf finished playing with,when u nid mi den u played with it,and when u dun nid mi u jz throw it aside..its nt tt i wanna say such cruel words but the actions u do oreadi justified and testified it..hw can u assure mi such kinda things wont happen again???hw will u prove to mi,hw will u prove to us???ive granted u ur happy ending,你开心吗???

2007-12-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

as i sat in the boot of my car thinkin,the memories tt we shared together..

the times when we went shopping together and mi going into the shop wid u helping u choose the best piece

the times when all was lost between u n donovan,i appeared in front of ur eyes when u were alone at home.although i bluffed u saying tt ill b baq on a later day but appeared in front of u

the times when we went sentosa and sat on the cable car n played the lurge

the times when we went genting and u told mi tt haf trust n faith in u

the times when i brought u along to kuan eng's party

the times when we went to jing wen's party at his hse

the times when we had Mc D breakfast fer the whole week without fail at 4am in the morning

the times when u cried while reading our chat log i stored in my computer

so so many more..it would've been more if u hadn't been out wid ur frens this whole week n neglected mi..do u think our current situation is worth salvaging,worth fighting for???

2007-12-02T18:58:00.000+08:00

haish..wada nite at laundry celebrating choi mei's birthday..when we steppd into the curve,this feeling jz struck mi that omg,hw long,hw many ages,hw many moons ago has it been since i stepped into a shopping centre.its like practically the whole week in subang..nt to mention the saddest part that she chose her frens over mi..i didnt forbid u from seeing or hanging out wid ur frens,u dun hang out wid mi its fine but at least spend some time wid vern cheng,choi mei and patrick mahz..come on,they r ur closes frens,they watch u grow up and was always there fer u..who is the one tt always accompany u to eat when u r in subang???its patrick,irene n mi and nw u r abandoning us over a buncha frens..who is the one tt always shops together wid u?its irene n mi who were wid u..its totally unreasonable if u get wad i mean..its realli unfair fer all of us..tonite's the last nite u will b in KL b4 u go baq to brunei,we believe in u and hope tt u can spend some time wid us..pls dun disappoint us again..u told mi the feeling tt u have fer mi is on and off..ive seriously drilled my mind into it,analyse the whole situation and i came up wid a conclusion tt u haf feelings fer mi,its jz whether u wanna acknowledge it or not..when its on,u acknowledges it,when its off,u dun wanna acknowledge it..last nite u told mi the feelings u haf fer mi is now on,there was the part where u knew wad could've been,wad should've been,wad would've been,and u acknowledged it..ive always been there fer u from the start and the sense of security is sooo much,so overwhelming tt u simply abused it..although u noe wad u r doing is wrong rite nw,but ur mind tells u,aiya,he is always there fer mi,fear not,he is understanding,he will forgive mi one..u r totally taking it fer granted..all of ur actions has justified it,have testified it..u tell mi u haf abit of feelings fer gerald..he hasnt even done anithing n u tell mi u haf feelings fer him..its totally ridiculous...u jz probably has a good impression of him tts all..wad can he gif u tt i cannot give?if u keep doing this,the same thing between donovan and mi is gonna happen between mi n him again..it realli shows tt u cannot draw ur line properly..i told u tt he has feelings fer u,u disregarded my advice,u were ignorant,even went as far as seeing him n the buncha frens every nite fer the whole week..wad u r doing is like giving him hope do u understand anot???FALSE HOPE again perhaps???its nt his fault tt he has feelings fer u,its ur fault fer nt letting him noe tt u haf a bf,lets draw our line..its like u know there is a hole there,and u r walking straight into it..the way he called u and asked u where u r and stuffs,wad u r doing n everything..it realli pisses mi off sooo much???who does he thinks he is???ur bf??jz be frank n tell him str8 lar,im wid my bf eating..dun even nid to think tt u will hurt him or wad..im ur bf,can u gif mi abit of respect anot???do u realli acknowledge mi as ur bf anot???are u realli tt ashamed of letting ur frens noe u r attached???r u ashamed of mi issit or am i nt gd enuf fer u???if u think u r ashamed of mi or i m nt gd enuf fer u,lets break up lar since u r nt proud tt u haf sucha good,caring,reasonable,patient bf..all these incidents has onli showed one thing,its ur fault fer nt putting enuf effort into this relationship,u haf taking fer granted of mi,and finally u dont noe how to draw the line between frens,gd frens,best frens and bf..i had believe u soo much,had sooo much faith in our relationship and now u have let mi down sooo much,it realli upsets mi deeply,thoroughly hurt,totally dismayed..ur performance has been totally disappointing..u haf jz let mi down but tts nt impt,u haf let vern cheng,patrick and choi mei,ur closest frens down..

the longest story..

2007-11-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

had a serious chat wid her..guessed it didnt go the way it wanted to be..sadly,i would bookmark this as one other fairy tale..i asked fer a hug after we ended our tok,she shoved mi aside..beads of tears swelled in my eyes..i couldnt ask fer more can i..was at the doorsteps when she jz hugged mi,burstin str8 into tears i was..i jz couldnt control the surge of the love,the affection i had fer her,hw much i adore her..i jz couldnt hide it..i would swear by my name that was the best hug of my entire lifetime..her words to mi"haf faith in us,trust mi,there will b more fer me to offer,jz u wait" all unreeling across my mind..its like its so vivid,so real,so overpowered n now everything has turned out like that till the extent i would remember that moment even if i were to lose all my memory..since it was abt to rain,i offered to drive her and irene to sunway..heaven cried by sending rain,was it condolenscene??it was like a signal,the traffic was bad,rain was lashing hinting us nt to let go..wadeva it is,dun let our relationship affect the time when u r having fun,theres a time fer everything,friends,families,relationship,u gotta find the balance between it..dun let wad has happened to us ruin ur mood to enjoy urself..jz let mi noe when u nid mi again..

rubbing salt onto the broken wounds..

2007-11-29T07:04:00.000+08:00

history is repeating itself again i guess..the incidents tt took place 1 year baq has suddenly become so vivid,deep clear in my mind..so heart shattering,it holds a new beautiful chapter in the beginning but yet the ending slowly turning tragic..the way u jz cast mi aside,the way u looked down on mi all springs baq to life,chapters after chapters it unfolds..its all happening again..i gaf u a chance the nite b4 even begging to see u fer the nite,u disregarded it n said u will see mi tml..i told myself,its okay shawn,u gotta gif her a chance to realise her mistake..barely saw her again the nex day and she said shes going mahjong wid her frens..i had to numb myself wid a few panadols and coke thru the nite jz to fight the uneasiness,the unrestlessness to sleep..tonite,i gaf her 1 more chance to prove herself,prove this relationship n she said shes going out wid her frens and theres nt a nid fer mi to stay up late fer her..i was sooo sooo sooo disappointed..i pleaded to her once again asking her to accompany mi fer the nite and all she said was she will try to come baq early..no msg,no fone call after tt..ive waited till 7.17am in the morning and here i am..u disregarded,neglected all ive done..love is analagous to a vase,beautiful on the outside but brittle..u took the vase,u nt onli broke it,u even stepped on it,making sure all the shatters are sooo finely broken..

2007-11-28T20:09:00.000+08:00

i feel it..u r slowly drifting away from mi..i feel it...if u feel u r,pls let mi noe...i dunno hw much more i can sustain this relationship,hw much more i can contain if things are going this way..its nw all up 2 u to either make it all worked out or make it into jz one other fairy tale..

fear..

2007-11-28T17:45:00.000+08:00

yosh...jz got baq from midvalley with irene and her..i wasnt say it was a success..i would describe it as "stale"..when she was trying her levis jeans,jz saw how pretty she looked..was abt to open my mouth to praise her,but i held baq..her voice in my mind reminded me "im a big girl oreadi"..i jz walked off,struggling to hold the tears baq..it was like beads of tears swelling and building up in my eyes..was so happy fer her but at the same time rather sad too cos i cannot treat her as a small girl n pamper her oreadi..its like im happy fer her but couldnt express it...i jz kept silent all the way following em..fear of her..fear of expressing myself to her..hiding those sorrows behind those glasses of mine,i jz walked behind her..ill b there when u nid mi..i guess i cannot treat her the same way i used to,but to let her noe my presence,reminding her when u do nid mi,jz let mi noe n ill b there..the feeling is like something haf been ripped off u..i cant eat properly,cant sleep properly,spending every nite jz weeping in my room,hoping she would jz text mi telling tt she misses mi n wanna spend more time wid mi at least i get an assurance myself there is something in this relationship and that shes trying to play her part but to my dismay there was none.. its like ive evolved into a living dead,a body without a soul,unsure of where hes going but jz keeping in heart one very absolute thing i nid to do tt is to be there when she nids mi..darling,i realli love u so much and if theres anithing i would do to make u happy,i wouldnt doubt,wouldnt hesistate,and jz willingly do it..all i can do now,is jz pray,pray and pray very very very hard that things would finally work out..

hurt

2007-11-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

haish..im feeling all messed up finishing the left over chivas all alone..yeah u shld noe the feeling of drinking alone..its fucked up...darling ah darling,i tok to u nicely over the fone,y do u hafta yell baq at me abt trust..it realli upsets mi..if i didnt trusted u in the first place,i would've said no to u when u asked mi if u could stay overnite at genting,i would've jz went all the way up to genting to pick u up..did i do tt??if i din trust u,i would've jz picked u up went to the curve wait till u finish up wid ur frens den i pick u baq home,did i do it anot??but the things u do realli makes mi feel unsecured do u understand wad i am trying to get at???u din haf the keys to go into ur room,at least gif mi a call or something u get wad i mean...u tell mi tt ur going down genting at around 5 but nex morning i woke up,i tot u were still at home,i msn irene asking irene if u were still sleeping anot cos i wanted to bring u out fer lunch or something..who noes irene said u din come baq fer the whole nite..i called u but u didnt pick up...and i got real worried...come on,im ur bf and i think i deserve to noe where u went and all...if irene locked u out at least msg mi telling mi tt u got locked out and all and u r out wid steffie they all at least jz tell mi..or u can even try calling mi..im ur bf,a guy who would stay up all nite jz to wait fer u to reach home safely regardless if hes sick or wad,he still waits..y cant u jz tell mi to stay up fer u..y???darling,if i didnt gif a donkey shit abt u,i wouldnt even haf asked where u went and all..i didnt disagreed,disallowed u from going out wid ur frens,all i ask is tt u jz leave me a msg telling wad did u do and where u r???issit realli even tt hard to do it???would u rather trust ur frens den trust ur bf???dun even challenge mi abt the trust i haf fer u..ur frens' love fer u can never outbeat,can never outlast nor win,nt even close to the love i haf fer u..hw many times do u wan mi to burn myself to let u noe tt,hw many times do u wan mi to drink alone like rite nw feeling all fucked up to let u noe hw much i cared n appreciate u,hw many more times do u wan mi to numb myself to sleep???

intuition

2007-11-25T19:57:00.000+08:00

arghhhhhhhhh..lotsa lotsa frustrations to vent..n im jz physically tired,mentally drained,spiritually exhausted..jz got baq from JB few hours ago..first of all,life baq in JB is booooooooring..leading the way i was 1 year baq..at the cyber cafe dotaing away,yum chaaa,shisha go baq sleeeeep..if nt fer sze wey n kheelim those 2 mofos pestering me to drop by JB to visit em first b4 they could come up KL to join mi,i wouldnt even consider going baq..i mean its jz after the papers,i jz wanna chill out here in KL first b4 going baq..had a few restless nights trying to sleep..but my eyelids jz wont shut n the brain jz keeps churning on n on in deep thoughts..was at the mamak the nite b4 ycing wid kheelim n ah yong when i decided to gif her a ring asking her where she was and stuffs..she told me she was at madigras..ooooo i jz replied trying to hide all the disappointment..i jz dun wanna spoil her mood when shes out enjoying herself wid her frens..den i asked her y din she called mi she told me her 016 was out of credit..okay..acceptable..rite after the conversation her msg from her 012 moblie flew in telling mi tt she would call mi n text mi when shes home..i was like huh??y didnt she use her 012 mobile to msg mi earlier to tell mi shes going out???i realli dun understand y?ive told her once if ure intending to go out wid ur frens at least leave mi a msg or something..its very simple,y didnt u take the initiative to jz text mi???y???i realli realli dun understand..i was thinking to myself..is she hiding something from mi or does she not wan mi to noe shes out n stuffs or issit u fergot???these little little things realli reflects and it shows ur lack of commitment in this relationship..wheres ur commitment i ask??im thoroughly disappointed,totally dismayed..im ur bf n i think i realli do deserve some little respect from u if u get wad i mean..im ur bf n i think i deserve and i haf the right to noe where u went..then something happened when i was buying reload coupons fer her..and i was caught off my feet n i jz felt at tt instant,there was nothing left fer me to cherish anymore..regardless i still texted her n told her tt its alrite n i dun feel like toking rite now..its like i jz totally shut myself up..yesterday she called mi in the afternoon at around 5.30,we were chatting n stuffs i told her tt i was going baq tomorrow oreadi,i was expecting tt she would b happy but she jz replied mi telling mi to come baq on monday instead of going baq tomorrow..it was one tight slap on my face..den she went on tellin mi tt shes going out dinner n movie one on one wid one of her new frens by the name of "gerald" which she jz recently got to noe..my reaction was like "HUH???"she gt abit mad fer mi raising abit of my voice and she jz wanted to end the conversation..there was abit of uneasiness in my voice but u didnt even gave mi a chance to explain..none none at all..i mean like one on one out wid a guy if it isnt a date wad issit??y cant u see?y cant u tell?darling issit mi tt i m oversensitive or issit u who is insensitive..u r like doing things as if u werent attached do u noe tt anot??if ure single,y not?but nw ure attached n now u r asking mi if u can go out 1 on 1 wid a guy anot???wad am i in ur eyes???do u see mi as ur bf in ur eyes anot??can u consider my feelings anot???wad do u take mi as??transparent???wad am i to u???dun start wid the trust in this relationship..pls dun..its nt tt i dun trust u,but i jz dun wan anithing to endanger our relationship..ive waited fer u fer 1 year,n i m nt letting go now,i am not..u can call mi a stingy bastard,a selfish idiot but im nt letting go rite now,nt at this time..which bf in the world would let their ger go out one on one wid a guy unless if he does not gif a damn,dun gif a shit about the ger and hes also flirting around???there i m trying my very best now to save the relationship y r u trying to break it all apart??y do u hafta do tt???i realli start to haf doubts..i dunno hw many times of this is gonna happen,and how i can hold myself baq not to flare up..i realli haf a baaad feeling and my intuition tells mi tt someday its gonna happen again and we had a misunderstanding,i could not hold it much longer,and tts it everything is jz gonna fall apart..i realli fear the arrival of this very day..i realli start to doubt myself if i am the right one fer u at this point of ur life rite now..

2007-11-17T05:09:00.000+08:00

wuhoooo~~~exams time over..its party time...o yea..patrick finished his last papers today n seems tt everyone in our gang finished our papers so he organised a KTV redbox trip..we sang with the guys singing nah a correction it shld be screaming their balls out,the gurls singing their guts out,pouring endless streams of agony since the exams aftermath..wuhooo..it felt gr8 even though i was down wid a flu..after KTV,we met up wid one of irene or choi's fren which joined us fer shopping..gurls..zzzzz..its their instinct to shop..while shopping,we came up wid the idea of playing a game of mahjong look alike game called ramee..heard tales of hw nice it was playing the game but haven tried it personally..after dinner,although i was shagged,physically worn out,teared down,i was watching my brother playing and upon fast observation and analysis,i start to get a hang of it..omg..and i started playing myself..and hell yeah tt game is sick and it is deadly addictive..geeeesh..played till like 11 and went to haf supper came baq at 1 and started playing again..geeesh.. and i played till nw..without money involved in the game it was oreadi so attractive imagine hw addictive it is with money..imma start controlling myself wid this sick shit game,imma not gonna get hooked to it..but anyways..the thought of her leaving me once again jz kept dancing thru my head..like a whirlwind sweeping everything in its path..we barely got together fer like 2 months plus nt even 100 days and nw we hadda separate fer the holidays..its jz nt fair..i wouldnt wan her to leave my side..but i kept telling,repeating,reminding myself its onli the holidays..jz the holidays..but the thought of longingness,missing,thinking of her when shes gone fer this time jz wrecked the entire of me..wad m i gonna do,wad m i gonna be when shes nt here fer the time..haish.i will try nt to get too childish over it..i wanna build her memory wid mi b4 leaving baq fer her hometown a memorable one and not a regrettable one..tts the right thing i shld do rite now..u haf my heart from the start,so keep in safe when im gone,let it be ur courage to brave all odds,ur wisdom to guide u,ur strength to keep walking,the onli voice in ur ears when nothing seems alright and spur u bringing u to greater heights..have faith my dear..nw the problems come?hw am i gonna make it memorable when shes leaving soon,im running into short term cash flows problem,kheelim the big fat dude is coming baq..omg...so many things i wanna do wid her but wid minimal time to achieve it and little cash flows to make it all happen..arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...if onli...if onli..but no regrets my dear..no ifs like i always told u...darling,i wouldnt prohibit,wouldnt forbid u,wouldnt disallow u from hanging out wid ur frens..but sometimes the times u reach home its kinda real late if u get wad i mean..i mean if i tell u the same im hanging out wid my frens n all,but i hang out till real late,u would probably get worried too u noe wad im trying to get at..im nt trying to imply imma make a curfew fer u as to wad time wad time u hafta reach home if u hang out wid ur frens,but jz telling u u wanna go out wid ur frens of course can but pls watch the time..its realli late and anithing can happen at tt time,n i wouldnt bear,wouldnt take the chances,wouldnt allow anithing to happen to u..something might jz happen to ur fren n u the innocent party might jz get dragged in..im a johorian,this is KL nt realli safe either and ive seen the worst and i noe when things get to the worst case scenario..the thing i told u at the mamak i seriously honesly meant it..if theres anithing tt happens to mi,dun doubt,dun take ur chances,i would bear the risk,jz dun look baq n run to get help from my frens..im may look all weak to u,knocked down by jz one karate chop,one choke from u and always giving way to u,but pls dun take mi lightly,im more than meets the eye...trust mi..haf some trust in mi..im more than meets the eye when toking bout violence,dun make me morph into my past something u dun wanna see,u wouldnt like to see..

2007-11-15T04:14:00.000+08:00

omg..im feeling real shit up tonite..blocked nose,running nose,throat inflammation,slight fever,my head is heavy and i feel like puking,u name it i got it..its oreadi 4 and she hasnt got baq..zzZ..as usual im waiting fer her fone call..haish..was lying on my bed,struggling to keep my eyelids open..geeeesh..wid all these symptons and im still hanging on waiting..the feeling is worst than when ure drunk,worst than a hangover..at least when ure drunk,u puke and u r out the nex minute cos u cant be bothered to think of anithing but jz drop dead on ur bed...sometimes i realli wonder is it mi who is over sensitive..i mean its late oreadi,y don u jz drop mi a call n ask mi to go over pick u up..it has happened so so sooo many times...issit bcos u r afraid ur frens might see mi,or issit bcos u dun wan ur frens to see mi as ur new bf or wadeva a thousand and one reasons i can think of..sorri my brain isnt realli functioning properly at this moment..im jz a fone call away darling issit realli tt hard to dial my number and ask mi to go pick u up..i jz dun understand..does ur frens all noe tt u've gotten together wid mi??questions rumaging thru my mind but no answer came up..i cant do anithing fer nw but jz wait fer her to get baq home safely..im jz trying to do my best in this relationship..b4 we got together,i waited,n now we got together i m still waiting..wad holds fer mi in the future/...
y issit always like this???

y?i ask?

y?i wonder?

y?i ponder..?

jz grumblin to myself tts all..grumblezzzZ..hehe (^. ^)

wild distracting thoughts

2007-11-06T05:15:00.000+08:00

i dunno howda put it..but at times some thoughts jz ran thru my mind,rumaging through the entire of me,kept me pondering,trying my best to figure something out but it jz aint turning out rite..in a relationship,there is b4 tax,after tax she always chirps happily..and i jz kinda dislike,detest,(nt hate) it..it realli makes me unconfortable..i ged this feeling that its like shes trying to hint me,trying to make me noe tt im nt doing gd enuf,n it jz realli realli distracting..regardless of ur past relationship experiences,and i dun gif a mother damn who,what,where,which how or wad happened,i jz dun wan,dont like u to employ this kinda feeling,this kinda attitude towards me..sometimes i jz hope,jz pray that someday u can look me deep in my eyes and tell me,darling,ure the best bf i had ever had in all my relationship or something along the lines like darling,u've done well so far,keep it up or say something sweet to cheer me up or some words of encouragement to motivate me to do better and better..have some confidence and faith in me and in this relationship,ill never fail u..i noe n understand uve been hurt in the past,but pls jz pls dun look at mi wid the same eyes..if u lack patience,ill gif u mine,if u lack determination,ill show u mine,if u lack courage,ill be ur strength but if u lack faith den theres nth else i can do..jz feel that sometimes it jz aint enuf and it realli drives me insane..i fer one is someones who pursues perfection and wid her telling mi all tt,i feel tt ive nt given my all and sumtimes it can realli be physically,emotionally,spiritually demanding and taxing..i jz wanna dedicate my best and wan onli the best out of u dear..(if onli i can utilise this attitude towards my studies)..haish..geee,better dun start the emo thingy or else ill lose focus on my work..gotta stay up a few more hours to cook her breakfast..this is my first time doing that and i hope she likes it..

oooooooooooo......

2007-11-03T03:40:00.000+08:00

o yes..hw long has it been since ive blogged..shes down there whining pls update ur blog Mr Tan...haish..jz got baq from maison..pretty isolated over there..mi,pat,tianleong n her were sharing one bottle to ourselves celebrating our toast to our upcoming finals...HOORAY!!!im nt too sure wad has gotten into mi recently..its either im too stressed up over the finals or tt im simply too tired to drink..can u beleive it??tan chun siong puking after onli 5 or 6 shots of black label and a few glasses was mixed..guess my drinking capabilities has gone down...well..the s'pore trip was a GREAT SUCCESS!!!(BOTAK BRYAN i miss u wei)bryan is a cake fanatic and he eats too much cake..BRYAN U GOTTA CUT DOWN ON THE CAKE CONSUMPTION!!!hahahahahahahaha..yea where was i?singapore trip..well it all went smooth all according to plan...spent our first nite camping at the cyber cafe gaming away..den dim sum fer breakfast and then heading str8 baq to hotel fer sleepzzzzzzzzz..and we stayed in a 5 star hotel yea...pretty luxurious..the room was fascinating..we slept till 5 when we were all stirred up by patrick the dog,calling us all up to go ahead wid the plan despite our lack of glorious sleep..went to zon to get some booost..o yea and we escaped the customs..another GREAT SUCCESS!!!we all crime breakers...geeesh..where were u drew????where were u drew???i missed the times where u made narrow escape from law...muahahahahahaha..where was i??o yea the boost thingy...den we went baq to the hotel drank up abit and yes glorious sleep..nex day made our way to city square to haf my hair cut(i was growing into a gorilla tt time)shopped awhile and went singapore..our first stop was sentosa..hahahahahaha..darling ur hands was gripping the handle bars of the sky ride till there was sweat dripping down from the sky and wid ur eyelids shut...i was laffing my way up there and enjoying the beauty of the island...played the lurge..its like the cars tt u ride on in an arcade but jz tt this was jz a plastic skate board wid a set of puny wheels and basic bicycle handles wid minimal brakes and u jz hafta make ur way down the slope wid a few bends here n there...hahahahahahah..nt tooo bad..the instructor was like go and ah yong,patrick n tian leong was sprinting down the slope like kamikazee cars and disappeared down a corner...hahahahahahahahahahahah..went to vivo city to haf dinner..Carls juniour and it was filling..BRYAN U SHLD TRY TT!!!a challenge of ur limits to hw many burgers u can down...damnit their servings are insane...with our stomachs bloated we made our way bq to our hotel in JB..had a couple of drinks again and tucked in rather early..checked out at 1pm and made our way fer lunch to dinner and den baq to KL...it was a rather tedious and taxing trip bcos everyone was rushing baq to their hometowns after raya..geeesh spent like 5 hrs in the car...but we dropped by melacca fer satay celop and chicken balls rice...paid a visit to mynn wee..on the overall.i would rate this trip 6 outta 10 cos we spent most of the time travelling and its pretty energy demanding fer us and by the time we reached our hotel we would have knocked ourselves out..but its still a sucess..this trip wouldnt been fruitful without u and of course credits and merits to pat,tianleong,alicia,ah yong,ash,zein fer making this trip wonderful...finals are jz around the corner,gotta focus ah siang..buck up..aint gonna fail noone,myself,and of course the papers anymore..imma make it happen!!!

2007-10-08T15:26:00.000+08:00

a bored afternoon indeed..geeesh..haish..sooo many stuffs on my mind..driving down baq to JB this weekend so gotta get my car baq into shape

1)the door(cant drag it any longer if mom n dad sees it boom)
2)my car hind bearings starting to give way and i feel the very likelihood tt my rims gonna fly off anytime soon
3)service service service!!!

the singapore trip is coming up!!!o yes!!cant wait..muahahahahahahahah..making a trip to JB and singapore wid ma buncha homies...hopefully nth crops up in the last min...darling jz wanna let u noe tt dun keep asking me to stop thinking fer u cos its my responsibility,my job,a pleasure or an honour,my commitment towards u cos i jz wanna lay the paths fer ur beautiful feet to tread on even if it takes myself to perish in the process of building this long winding road..i would still gladfully uptake it..dun keep whining lamenting how bad u felt and all,u can make it all up by making this right..do something,anything in return..like u said:prove to me tt its all worthwhile..

change

2007-10-04T10:15:00.000+08:00

its time fer a change in my life i reckon,setting things rite and all..gotta start picking up on my studies,quit smoking,adjusting my body clock so tt i wont wake up everyday not knowing whether its nite or day and all...rather taxing on me i'd say..fer her i would but to give her nothing but my very very best..with everything i haf,i shall submit my faith to her,commit everything into her hands and hopefully it would work out..dunno but sometimes its rather disturbing to find doubts jz keep rumaging through my mind..

2007-10-01T03:29:00.001+08:00

geeesh hw long has it been since i updated my blog..hahahahaha..haven been home recently and even when im home the net seems to be down so yea..hahahahahaha..spent my 2 solid weeks wid her working things out and yea and its all turning out alrite despites the few upsets but other than tt the journey is smooth sailing..trying to make my life hers,and hers mine..the singapore trip is coming up and tianleong,alicia,patrick,ash,my brother,her and mi will be making our way down to johore and then singapore..darling,i jz wanna noe tt theres alot out there waiting fer us to accomplish,so lets embrace the many wonderful precious moments we shared and keep walking..and jz wanna add something,andrew i realli truly miss u madly..sonuva niggha,not on msn,at least update ur blog and let us noe wads going on lar..u n ur mischief.. =p

2007-09-15T02:24:00.000+08:00

i feel a sense of uneasiness spreading all over me,taking everything,consuming me gradually..my deepest fear is nearing..someone enlighten mi,guide mi???

2007-09-15T01:59:00.000+08:00

neither can i erase nor can i replace the memories u had wid him but i will paint u a better,a more memorable picture,this i promise u..can i now hold ur hands and embark together on this beautiful path of bliss,and lead u into eternity???the necklace i gaf u symbolises a pair of hands,like i always said it takes 2 to clap..

2007-09-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

十个理由

did i ever tell u hw much i'd do fer u
did i ever tell u hw much i'd think of u
did i ever tell u hw much i'd think fer u
did i ever tell u hw much i long fer u
did i ever tell u hw much i dreamnt of u
did i ever tell u hw much i'd sacrifice fer u
did i ever tell u hw much i'd give u
did i ever tell u hw much i cared fer u
did i ever tell u hw much tears i shed fer u
did i ever tell u hw happy i was when im wid u

五个原因

did i ever tell u hw much i wished to pamper u
did i ever tell u hw much i wished to adore u
did i ever tell u hw much i wished to embrace u
did i ever tell u hw much liked to follow ur footsteps and walk behind u
did i ever tell u hw much i liked to watch u from behind

三个为什么

did i ever tell u hw much i wished to make my life urs and urs mine
did i ever tell u hw much i wan to make u mine
did i ever tell u hw much i love u

我爱你

brittle fragile

2007-09-12T18:28:00.000+08:00

i nidda shut off,forbid,dis allow every little bit of unnecessary feelings i haf fer her..its getting worse and worse each time feeling all messed up,getting all worked up over nothing and im starting to lose it..becos i gaf too much,theres no doubt i'd expect the same from her..its always like tt,over and over again,theres nothing there but disappointment..i wont ask more of her AND I WONT but to provide her wid wad she wans wheneva she nids it fer nw..theres jz so much there fer us to embrace,but jz so little fer us to cling on to..is there anything there tt holds fer us???the feeling is like theres something there but it isnt realli there and its misleading me making me disillusioned rite nw..jz a little while longer and i'll do it..drew if ure reading this,i realli miss the counselling session each time i had wid u..hahahahahahaha..i noe its plain gay and cheesy and all but ill always remember the words u told me,LIFES A BITCH,SO STOP WHINING AND SUCK IT ALL UP SOLDIER!!!!hahahahahahahah...

2007-09-09T00:47:00.000+08:00

haish..feeling kinda f*cked up rite nw..it jz aint rite..u went out wid him without leaving any assuring msg or words of condolensce..its nt tt i dun trust u,if i din trust u,i would haf find all reasons nt to let u go..its jz tt u left me hanging..if i did the same to u,wad would u feel?do u actualli care hw it felt?i noe u dun wan me worrying and all but the things tt u do,the small slightest thing makes me feel unsecured..am i being over sensitive or am i jz asking too much from u?i let u haf things ur way but r u abusing it?its nt tt i dun wanna tell u all these but jz afraid tt it will get u offended..its after all my doubts..haish i dunno man,jz feeling kinda fed up,jacked up rite nw..time will tell..when the time come,i will hold the promise i gaf myself..darling,if i haf offended u in this post in some way,i ask fer ur humble forgiveness..its all bcos i love u so much tts y ill feel this way..

light up light up,as if u have a choice,even if u cannot hear my voice,ill be right beside u dear..louder louder,and we'll run fer our lives,i can hardly speak i understand,y u cant raise ur voice to say..slower slower,we dont have time for that,all i want is to find an easier way,to get out of our little heads..have heart my dear,we're bound to be afraid,even if its jz fer a few days,making up fer all this mess.

2007-09-05T19:12:00.000+08:00

i see a distant light drawing closer in..ur grace,ur presence by my side touched and moved me..u meant so much to me even more than these six words can relate,describe,express..so much so much..

2007-09-04T17:08:00.001+08:00

u havent realised have u???ive stretched,maxed my limits,break all boundaries,going beyond everything but it still aint enuf was it?hw much more does it take?hw much?hw much?hw much?its like blood seeping outta the reopened wound,gradually taking all of me..the metamorphasis has begun..

wait fer u

2007-08-29T07:14:00.000+08:00

I never felt nothing in the world like this before,

Now I'm missing you and I'm wishing you would come back through my door.

Why did you have to go?

You could have let me know,

So now I'm all alone.

Girl,you could have stayed

But you wouldnt give me a chance.

With you not around, it's a little bit more than I can stand.

And all my tears they

Keep running down my face.

Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?

Are you that afraid of me?

But I know it's a lie what you keep inside,

This is not how you want it to be.

So, baby, I will wait for you.

Cause I don't know what else I can do.

Don't tell me I ran out of time.

If it takes the rest of my life,

Baby, I will wait for you.

If you think I'm fine, it just aint true.

I really need you in my life.

No matter what I have to do,

I'll wait for you.

It's been a long time since you called me.

You gotta be feeling crazy.

How can you walk away?

Everything stays the same,

I just can't do it, baby.

What will it take to make you come back?

Girl, I told you what it is and it just ain't like that.

Why can't you look at me?

You're still in love with me.

Don't leave me crying.

Baby, why can't we just-- just start over again?

Get it back to the way it was.

If you give me a chance,

I can love you right.

But you're telling me it won't be enough.

So, baby, I will wait for you.

Cause I don't know what else I can do.

Don't tell me I ran out of time.

If it takes the rest of my life,

Baby, I will wait for you.

If you think I'm fine, it just ain't true.

I really need you in my life,

No matter what I have to do,

I'll wait for you.

So why does your pride make you run and hide?

Are you that afraid of me?

But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside.

That is not how you want it to be.

Baby, I will wait for you.

If it's the last thing I do,

Baby, I will wait for you,

Cause I don't know what else I can do.

Don't tell me I ran out of time.

If it takes the rest of my life,

Baby, I will wait for you.

If you think I'm fine, it just ain't true.

I really need you in my life,

No matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you.I'll be waiting..

more than that

2007-08-27T19:22:00.000+08:00

geeesh im running a fever,and instead of working on my assignment,here i am writing my blog..if she sees this,shes gonna go berserk,and yea u shld noe the consequenes..after spending the nite wid her by my side taking care of me,i realli appreciate her presence last nite here beside mi..u meant so much to me...words cant relate hw much u mean to me..i will love u more than tt..after erasing the chat log we shared,its time we move to a new era,an end to all the nightmares,a beginning to our story..i will never leave u ever again..i will make it work out,this i promise..u haf my words..jz wanna tell u rite nw: 我很爱很爱你..

难道爱简单都不能吗难道我感情要给规管吗从前没你的生命至令云腐化

如何能让我感动你明明沉睡都可望倒你到老了也许通通不记起能同揩白头我太有福气

愿永不更改每日献给你爱风霜都替你遮盖

你会看清楚和了解我未被人潮掩盖

若你不安心我做你的浮台冲不散对你的爱

世界有色彩凭这点爱双手一触碰问你爱不爱

2007-08-25T18:22:00.000+08:00

after much deep thoughts,i came to a conclusion tt ive been thinking too much..i risked everything on the line,so it deemed unavoidable tt i would expect much from her in return..gotta leave some space fer herself.. =)

deep thoughts..

2007-08-25T15:19:00.000+08:00

geeeeesh how long has it been since ive blogged..well im baq...hw shld i put it..hada gr8 week wid her spending some time together,making up fer the lost times we could've shared..went to maison the day before and we hada gr8 time...hada stay sober fer her..missed the chance of getting smashed even though im nt the driver fer tt day...her frens was oso there..we even shared table.. =) was telling her to take it easy on her drinks but as usual she didnt get one word in even went as far as cheersing wid her frens...but it was all cool,had my eyes locked on her in case if anithing happens,tt bottle of black label would fly...was thinking fer her thinking she wanna have her share of fun,so i gladly gave her tt...sometimes wondering if i was even doing the right things,giving her all she wans..but hopefully she doesnt abuses it,hopefully..i got abit mad when she was drinking wid her frens,i mean u can drink wid ur frens but nt to the extent of getting drunk u get wad i mean...wad if i wasnt there tt nite?alot of wad if's running thru my head rite nw..i am in no state to comment on her since im still nt her bf..haish..am i being too unreasonable?am i expecting too much from her??haf no idea wads going on rite nw...she told me she was very upset tt nite becos of all the things tt had happened to her life,i even went as far as preparing myself to be a substitute..i m feeling stupid rite nw and has been feeling stupid all these times..

water over wine

2007-08-15T05:22:00.000+08:00

geeeeesh..waaad an ADVENTUROUS nite i shld call it..to all my bros out there who were out there wid me tonite,my greatest salute to u guys,hats off hats off i would call it..realli appreciated the presence of all of us down there..sorrie if i caused u guys too much trouble,my deepest sincerest apologies...lets nt tok bout it,its damn gayyyyyyy..darling if ure reading this,jz wanna tell u its been a pleasure to meet u,an honour to be beside u,jz a bonus to be with u..i'd choose water over wine,take the wheels and drive

honoured promise

2007-08-12T05:43:00.000+08:00

o geeeee..wad a nite..went to watch rush hour 3 wid same buncha peeps..was trying desperately to text her during the show telling her to take care of herself when im nt around n i missed alot of parts of the show to send the message out..the reply i got her was not an okay but i can take care of myself which kinda puts me off..she always say tt all the time which shows tt shes independent(i like it =) but also made me feel tt i m nt realli nided but i spared a thought fer her she wanna haf fun..got baq n waited patiently fer the arrival of her golden message..i even prepared myself physically n mentally to sleep wid the mosquitos tonite..the feeling was damn good..received her text at around 3 n the feeling was HOORAY!!!hhahahahahahah it was like a mad man celebrating merdeka in advance those kinda feelings..shit it was damn good..jz wanna let u noe tt its nt tt i dun trust u,i dun trust ur frens tt brought u along..i haven seen em,haven heard of em and had never know em in the first place plus im still nt ur bf n i haf completely no rights to ask..theres limitations to wad i can do so chilling out..i hada stay up at the baq of my car to make sure u reach home safely and if u had any need of me ill come..guessed u had much more fun when ure alone out there clubbing rather than me coming along with u HOR?hahahahahahaha..nothing,jz wan u to had fun tts all..i fulfilled my promise aint i,if i have a star,ill give one to u to make u happy,if have a pair of stars,i will give one to u and one to myself so that both of us can be happy,if i had 3 stars,i will give all to u and leave none fer myself cos i wan u to be happier than me.. i have stretched and reached my hands out,i can feel hers edging and closing in.. ^^

2007-08-11T18:13:00.000+08:00

it was patrick's birthday last nite..went to soul out..dinner was gr8..had fun..then they decided to go drinking laterz..patrick hada send his fren baq to change,andrew has to go baq to cheras fer his sis...omg...the 3 of us was standing outside poppy like sitting waiting ducks waiting to jump into the pool..we waited fer an hour fer all of em to come..but wadeva we managed to get in..pretty packed inside..was busy dowing her glass so tt she doesnt hafta drink so much...hahahahahaha...always got myself caught though..i cant lie thru her eyes can i..then tt mother sonuva b*tc* came..i knew his intentions..it was clear tt he had something up his sleeve..hate and detest these kinda losers to the bone..couldnt do much though since it was her choice...jz sat there n watch making sure everything was alright..i was there waiting fer her to reach fer me..she didnt came and i cant do shit either since im still nt her bf..if i was her bf,i wouldve restructure his face till his son is also born bruised and land him in SJMC fer a couple of weeks,and pulled her away definitely..was there waiting fer her all the while to approach me but she didnt..i gave up,walked out to catch some fresh air..sat there pondering the whole nite feeling that somtimes i am nt appreciated by her..

如何能让我触动你,如何描述可感动倒你,要与你抱拥相恋一世纪,从来没在乎你美与不美,愿永不更改,每日献给你爱,风霜都替你遮盖,你会看清楚,和了解我,未被人潮掩盖,若你不安心,我做你的浮台,冲不散对你的爱,世界有色彩,凭这点爱,双手一触碰,问你爱不爱

messed up

2007-08-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

kinda earli to start blogging eh...hahahaha..wadeva..dunno y waking up today feeling so messed up...everytime i think of tt,its like hair wiring,nerve wrecking..total insanity in the membrane..y m i still fighting,struggling so hard in a losing war?soooo afraid to tell her wads going on with me rite now...the thought of fighting against her emotions...her emotions something i can never win,something i will not be able to to surpass..its jz sooo hard....everytime the thought of losing her jz like dat strikes across my mind,the past tt i have endured like a projector broadcasting each scenes going thru my mind..she never knew,never will understand this feeling of helplessness..theres nothing else i can do fer now..okay,gotta hide everything away,gather and pull myself together.. =)

每一夜闭上眼睛,我看到了恶梦,你微笑但是旁边的人不是我,天空切开一道裂缝,直接割到我心中,不想装作脆弱,也不想爱得懦弱,其实我非常爱你不想失去你,难道我没有权利说我不愿意,你给了他的吻,虽然只有余温,可知道我多渴望抓住你的心,我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心,我每天假装开心害怕你离去..

deepest fear

2007-08-07T03:48:00.000+08:00

it seemed soooo long since ive last blogged even though it was onli fer a couple of days..hope everyone's out there doing alright..last week was honestly screwed up man..was indulging myself in non stop alcohol with a buncha of retards and waking up everyday stoned..and HEY going to one of my bros out there,LIM TIAN LEONG,HAPPI SLUTTY BIRTHDAY WANKA!!!(hey u shld feel proud putting ur name on my blog wei)HOWEVER,things seem to take a turn this week as i promised her to start pulling things together...well yea,u guys would prolly be cursing mehz mad or wad so eva if ure reading this...i kinda figured its time to pick the broken,shattered,splintered pieces up and start piecing em together...well today is rather special i would say..hahahahahahahah...went as far as bangsar ALEXIS to buy her a slice of malaysia's renowned tiramisu cake..wuhooo..splendid(the cakes there are realli guud)i was chatting wid her and everything went well(come to think of it,it jz amazes me as to hw far i would go fer her,hw much i would sacrifice fer her)...sometimes i hafta pass my hands to fate...every thing tt we did jz seemed to collide..nt sure if father lord up there is trying to signal mehz or woot..its nt jz this once,it has occured several times...hallelujah!!!a msg came at nite saying she has something which i doesnt wanna noe to confess..yeah..at tt critical moment,bang...the big bang...a tight slap to da face like dat..i mean which guy doesnt get angry yea but as soon as i see my fone ringing wid her number on it,wid a wide brim smile on my face i shook off all emotions and bearing all tt pain i chatted happily wid her...well,i hafta admit tt angry moment was onli minute,but hearing her chapping happily over it,everything jz dozed off,calm and serene it was supposed to be..i mean since she has done it and told mehz everything abt it,i dun see any reason to get angry over it..the real deal came about when i tot carefully about alot of things...alot,alot of things ran thru my mind..its nt the problem of seeing her ex tt ignited me,its other things tt is gonna spill out or break out later in our relationship..lotsa questions,lotsa dilemnia...But,everything was well greeted wid jz one word one word of hers tt assured me everything was alright..i had my answers tt i wanted..hahahahahahahah...sometimes i tend to wonder,i walk by u,walk behind u,walk with u,when do i get to walk beside u??

2007-08-04T05:15:00.000+08:00

tonight i will sleep well with tears in my eyes..i was there,am there and i will always be there for u..

2007-08-03T17:23:00.001+08:00

trying so hard so hard to hold baq the tears,fighting so hard to hide the tears as i was chatting to her last nite..but nevertheless i held baq..i held baq..

unreal

2007-08-01T04:11:00.000+08:00

wuhooo..sooo much happened over one weekend..went to poppy on friday..hadda a hell of a time over there..and so abrupt,was walking out of poppy finding a fren walking towards aloha there when i met her..she was standing outside aloha waiting fer her frens..my heart skipped a beat and my world reversed...the feeling is like "u took the breath rite out of me,u left a hole where my heart shld b,uve gotta fight jz to make it thru or i will b the death of u"when i got baq to poppy they were like askin mee wad happen to u?wads wid the gloom on ur face?told em to all leave mee alone fer awhile...hadda cool down..i dunno and it jz feels like god is trying to hint me,trying to me signal me..its realli all messed,screwed,jacked up at tt time..and i dunno where i mustered my courage from i TEXTED her..after i texted her i was like omg,wad haf i done wad haf i done??i even called her..i was like a nut loose up there or something..b4 she left aloha she texted me again and as i was driving sheau wei baq home she texted again..my mind was in total chaos,totally devastated nt knowing howda reply her..i knew she was drunk and since i hadda keep my promise to her i replied asking her to sleep early..i think i was crying when i drove to rafi to meet andrew and my frens..it realli jz hurts sooo much..its like pouring salt onto the open wounds those kinda feelings..helpless and dreaded fer dead tts all u feel..saturday was gaming away..then came sunday..was gaming away and after finishing gaming,walked out and the nite was ignited by my sifooo and the buncha devils drinking down there at asia cafe..wuhooo..hallelujah at the sight of alcohol..we joined em and ordered 2 buckets of anchor strong..guys i tell u tt anchor strong is some serious shit and it is damn strong,it packs a real punch..got baq home at 4 something then andrew n my brother shouted the nite is still young,lets drink on ladies..so they went to buy one more bucket of it..i was damn pissed drunk at tt time and i was swaggering in the middle of the road at my hse there..i dunno y i rang her tt time..i must b maaad..chatted wid her fer abit..i was quite relieved n so god damn happy when she picked my call at tt kinda time..u noe wad i mean..we chatted fer abit n its all good..monday i was jz stoning thinking to myself am i dreaming or wad,everything seemed so unreal..we started picking things up n brought her fer movies tonite..if u r reading this rite nw,these r the words i wanna tell u which i dun haf the guts to..its probably perfectly normal fer u to accept a guy's invitation to go out together,but fer me,its like something very rare very special..the feeling probably owns the feeling of hitting a jackpot and it probably is much more better than tt..never felt like tt b4..its like i used to ask her out last time,n i gt rejected plenty of times,shes nt free,bla bla,gt something to do..i dunno but jus this time she agreed..i dunno wads gonna happen next in our relationship,nethertheless i will still give her my very best..if onli u knew wad i would do fer u,hw much i think fer u,hw much i teared fer u,hw much i think of u,if onli u knew..

f0reign intrusi0n

2007-07-24T04:33:00.000+08:00

waaad a day..geeesh jz got baq from FTZ asia cafe cc..seems like im re-living my sad past ie facing the computer gaming countless useless time away..(MY ACCOMPLICE THAT IS LIM TIAN LEONG)my car met up wid some serious problems too..mythelogy..grrrr..my $550 spent on tt crank pully like wings jz fluttered away..my foreman told mehz tt the problem wid the noise in my right engine bay lies wid the badly designed mythelogy crank pulley..haish~~also went to school today wid charlton and tian leong those 2 bastards to enroll in our new semester.took the lift to the first floor administration office..charlton was walking ahead of me and tian leong behind me..as charlton stepped into the admin office he turned baq and wid a dazed smile on his face he giggled..was curious too so i stepped in as well..guess who i met,i met her(u guys noe who im referring to)..she was staring at my direction and wid a forced weak smile she looked at mehz fer a second..i jz froze,rooted to the ground,nt knowing how to react..i jz turned baq and walked away..charlton and tian leong came after mehz pulling me nt to run or hide this time making a ruckus at the first floor lift there..(u 2 sluts gonna get it)i simply jz cant bring myself to face her..ran to the third floor to get my face washed as if ive seen a ghost..calmed myself down and thought of all ppl y ran into her,the question of "y her?" running through my mind..its nt tt i hate her or something like that its jus that i dun wanna haf anithing to do wid her..neither frens nor foes..it seemed like wadeva move i make its jus checkmate..accept her as a fren ppl would probably be chanting "chun y u so hou lian pi de"..neglect her as a fren ppl would probably be chanting "chun y u so xiao qi one"its realli messed up and its been like tt fer a very very long time..my bros kept telling me say hi or something lar dun make it so awkward,fren still can one u juz hafta noe where the line stands..i can confidenly tell u tt i haf no idea where to draw the distinct line between frens n lovers..i understand the transition period is hard and i hadda accept it..i noe u guys have been dreading me to move on and stuffs but jz stay wid mehz fer nw bros..she msged mehz at nite asking mehz hw i was and stuffs..its onli merely purely an SMS and i hada brood over whether i shld reply her or not..ha hw pathetic can i get..i haf completely no idea howda reply tt sms..reply her in a friendly tone would mean i haf dishonoured the promise(msg mehz when u nid my help) i made to her and soft-hearted i was i would probably lose my determination to shut her off and thus leading me baq to square 1..so i held baq and asked her monotonously y msg me?shes realli forcing mehz,encaging me into a very tight spot..does she noe hw jacked up,churned up,messed up,fu**ed up,screwed up i feel inside anot?i do admit i still haf slight little feelings fer her but y cant she jz let mehz retain the last bit left in me..cant erase,unable to replace.. -sometimes the devil weeps to0-..

2007-07-20T06:51:00.000+08:00

picked my bro to school at nine in the morn..thought i could indulge in my dreams and minutes after i layed down on my bed,ah siao(Joseph's fren) came in and asked mehz to fetch him to sungei wang and off i travelled down to KL yes the traffic congestion zzzzzzz..and was hitting on the idea of turning str8 to bed when i came home,a call came it was the guy tt knocked mehz last nite..instead of him negotiating to mehz it was his mum..so she arranged to meet up wid mehz at ss14 to judge the extent of my car's damage..mi n harry went there and good job harry telling his mum the truth and everything..hahahahahaha.we told the mum tt we were revving hard and yeah trying to haf fun then the accident occured..the mum wid a jovial smile on her face looked at her son and i could see fear in her son's eyes..hahhahahahah..(sorrie giresh).i told her tt i was wrong and her son was in the wrong too since his car's lane supposedly meant fer turning right,he headed str8 and i was wrong in a way tt i travelled to his lane while i was turning..and his mum said with a weak smile on her face"oh well there isnt anithing we can do about it so lets settle each of our damages ourselves"...hallelujah...hahahaha..had lunch wid my brother and harry and headed baq home to catch some nice afternoon nap..anyways,i had been thinking fer a very very long time,its time fer a change,everything has been all either messed up or stalemate be it in my relationship,studies,my attitude,its time fer mehz to get serious and start doing something anithing to put things baq on track..ive been skipping classes fer a week and i nidda start registering fer my new subs this sem,charlton's coming baq this saturday(a storm is coming)..knowing is one thing but doing it is another..its been a while..

trauma

2007-07-19T05:57:00.000+08:00

well this is my 1st time blogging..erm hw shld i put it.jz sharing with those peeps out there..i noe blogging is nt realli in the trend rite now but i still insisit and decided to gif it a go..19th of july..wad a nite..was having fun laffing my ass off wid andrew and the rest in FTZ asia cafe cc having a real good time playing dota(how many moons ago since i last played)..it was 3 plus and we decided to all head baq home..my bro was locked outside his house and he hada stay up at my place..i was at this subang ss15 junction(opposite K3k,the one outside galaxy tt one).my hse's at ss18 so i hada take a right turn at tt junction..there were 2 lights actualli,the first one going straight leading u to the 2nd light where u either go straight or turn right.so it was the red light at the 1st light..(galaxy was at my right).there was this black vios loaded wid a buncha jackasses in tt ride..the lights turned green and i accelerated moderately till the 2nd light where i hada turn right..i jz dunno wad went wrong up there i was a nut loose or woot but i jz floored the accelerator and took tt turn..the moment i accelerated was oreadi the first mistake and still i insisted to take tt right turn at tt kinda speed..things couldnt get much better i even went as far as treading onto the vios's lane as i was turning.the vios on my right was heading straight i was taking a right turn..tt instance i turned i looked at my side mirror its over..too late..his car smashed straight to my right hind passenger seat door..my car skidded and i jam braked immediately got down the car and i was like "FU*K FU*K my car!!!its all messed up right now..wad am i gonna tell my parents?my dad's birthday coming,haven register subjects fer my new semester,sooo many things cropping up right now,so many pent up feelings..the list goes on..my ride is real bad shape and im in no shape to tok.this feeling of guilt,i was driving 3 of my bros around and yet i was still that reckless and it jus realli reflects how irresponsible i am..placing my life on tt line was sillyenough yet i still hada drag 3 others down wid mehz..to those still driving the way placing ur own life on tt line,think and drill this into ur mind:spare a thought for others,dun be a selfish jackass..if u somehow manage to pull it off once or twice or countless times it doesnt imply tt there isnt jus this one time u can screw up the whole thing..u may be good in driving but it doesnt imply tt the others are as good as u so the least u can do is let em go and start cursing swearing their heads off..it doesnt hurt to spare an extra thought fer others..responsibility.this once is exceeding,breaking boundaries,going beyond all limits.nightmares..